School anxiety: «He can do it, he just doesn't want to!»

Karin Kuttelwascher, 50, works as a sales assistant and lives with her husband Andreas, 61, a removal consultant, and their three sons Philip, 29, David, 19, and Joel, 18, in the canton of Thurgau. For years, her youngest son was afraid of being laughed at by his classmates. Joel has now finished school, is currently doing an internship in the IT sector and will start an apprenticeship in the summer.

Karin: «"I'm stupid anyway!» When Joel was practising reading at home with great difficulty in second grade, he said this sentence for the first time. I realised right from the start that he was struggling with the letters. I have two older children and I knew how they had learnt to read and write. But the teachers just said: «He can do it, he just doesn't want to, he just has to try harder.»

To this day, I'm always scared when something new happens in my life. I'm not good at dealing with that.

Joel, 18

Then it started that he had headaches or stomach aches in the morning and didn't want to go to school because the other children laughed at him there. We quickly sought medical help. That's when his severe reading and writing difficulties were diagnosed, which I had suspected all along. Even though everyone knew from then on why he struggled more at school than the other children, the fear of being laughed at again never went away.

On many days, I was still able to motivate him to go out, but when it wasn't possible, he was allowed to stay at home. But then there was no television and no PC time, I didn't want him to find it pleasant to stay at home. Nevertheless, we realised from other parents and teachers that they thought: He's not going because he doesn't feel like it. They didn't understand that he really couldn't go, that everything was blocked for him. That felt really stupid for us. And of course I also doubted whether I wasn't doing something wrong.

Somehow Joel still made it to the upper school. Then came an even bigger school and he was expected to be even more independent. That completely overwhelmed him and we took him out. He then did well at the special school until he graduated."

Joel: «I can hardly remember my first years at school. Of course I was teased sometimes, but that's normal for children, there's always a silly remark. When I didn't want to go in the morning, I felt really sick. When my mum then said: «Okay, you can stay at home», it was a real weight off my mind. To this day, I'm always scared when something new happens in my life, I'm not good at dealing with that.»