Raising children according to the gardener principle

Hallelujah, I survived the holidays with my two teenagers. This is not a matter of course, as anyone who knows anything about this species knows. There are times when adolescents behave like apathetic amphibians with moods wafting darkly over their heads. Or they are so wound up that you toy with the idea of putting them down with a well-aimed shot from a tranquilliser gun.

But I was lucky. My two teenagers spent the whole three weeks with me in a good mood, cheerful, patient and they helped out. A realpleasure. Did I deserve that? Did I perhaps do something right after all?

The overriding feeling with young children is often that they are doing everything wrong. How many mums torture themselves night after night with thoughts of their inadequacy. They think they are too impatient, get loud too often, give in too much, I felt the same way. I was always a bit lazy when it came to parenting.

I hardly read any books on the subject and brought up my children according to the gardener's principle: prepare the soil, water it, let it grow. The soil forms the reliable rhythm, fixed reference persons, a few rules. And then you have to water: Food, drink, a warm bed and love.

I gave my children as much freedom as possible.

Apart from that, I gave them as much freedom as possible - the opposite of helicopter mums. Even if I always secretly kept the jumping sheet ready in case one of them crashed. For example, in the children's playgrounds with their special energy of chaos and excitement.

Let go of children and catch them if necessary

When the son climbed the slide, swaying precariously as he talked about his eventful life, while the attentive audience, i.e. me, excitedly told him to hold on tight because the top child was threatening to fall off. He happily ignored this until the whole tower of children collapsed and I scrambled after him, happily catching him while he continued to babble on.

Nevertheless, and despite the many frightening moments that brought flashes of visions of ambulances and hospitals, I always let them do it. My children, who have now grown into teenagers, rarely climb in my presence.

Nevertheless, it's still the same principle: you let them do it. Try to help them, even if it has become a lot more complicated in the meantime. After all, it's difficult to grow up from a child to a teenager and suddenly have to deal with so many problems.

That's the price of freedom, but how do you explain it to someone who hasn't experienced it? So you always keep the bungee cord handy. It's easier to catch a three-year-old child in a free fall from a climbing frame than an adolescent - but even they still stumble from time to time. And hopefully they also know that there is always someone there to throw themselves under them.