Play is a mirror of child development

Mrs Benz, why do young children in particular find it difficult to immerse themselves in play alone?

Playing alone is a developmental step that requires two skills from the child: recognising the needs of others and being able to wait - i.e. the ability to postpone needs. Between the ages of 3 and 4, children make the greatest progress in this respect and need less and less of a caregiver to play with. Some children also develop a very special strategy when they don't want to play alone: They introduce themselves to an invisible playmate. This is sometimes irritating for parents, but absolutely normal: 40 per cent of children have such a companion during their childhood.

What importance do peer and adult play partners have for a child?

By playing with peers, a child can gain important experience in the context of cognitive development, social development and behaviour regulation. Being together creates a context in which children can guide each other, share experiences and learn from each other. Compromises can be worked out and rules established. They learn to cooperate and expand their language skills.

Playing with adult caregivers helps very young children to build a stable attachment relationship, which in turn forms the basis for appropriate inquisitive behaviour and therefore for learning. As the child gets older, the idea of encouragement comes to the fore: adults ask questions, comment on the play and give suggestions or even instructions; in doing so, they impart knowledge and social rules to the child, for example.

If we as adults intervene in conflicts, we deprive children of the opportunity to find their own solutions.

What do you advise when a dispute arises? Intervene or let the children find a solution themselves?

Conflicts arise even in very young children, mainly due to their simultaneous interest in a particular toy. The conflict is clearly social, it is not about the claimed object. Scientists have been able to show that the number of conflicts is hardly related to the number of toys available and that ownership claims are asserted even if the children in dispute have two identical toys at their disposal.

If we intervene as adults, we deprive them of the opportunity to find their own solutions, to give in or even to emerge victorious. Intervention is only necessary in the case of very unequal play partners.