«Parents must use their power for the benefit of their children.»

The «right to non-violent education» is to be enshrined in the Swiss Civil Code. As a psychologist, what do you understand by education without violence?

Families do not raise their children in isolation in a vacuum, but as part of a social consensus. That is why enshrining the «right to non-violent education» in the Swiss Civil Code is important and long overdue. We have known for a long time from developmental psychology research that treating children violently has highly problematic consequences.

Parents don't have to react immediately when conflicts arise. Once we have calmed down, we have more creative ideas.

For me, non-violent parenting means treating children with the same respect in everyday life that adults demand from each other. This requires parents to be constantly aware of their position of power and not to use it to legitimise themselves, but to use it specifically to benefit their children. That is easy to say, but it requires constant weighing up and decision-making with the needs of the children in mind and, of course, a reflective approach to one's own negative impulses.

Even thoughtful parents often face a dilemma: on the one hand, children should be allowed to have a say in order to promote their independence. On the other hand, parents must be able to assert themselves when it is in the best interests of the child, for example. How can the right balance be achieved?

The struggle to find balance is what parenting is all about: constantly weighing up between demanding conformity and allowing children to have a say, between respecting their independence and enforcing necessary rules. Parents are better able to strike this balance when they are not left to their own devices and have regular opportunities to reflect on parenting situations. Of course, this requires the necessary social and time resources.

What advice would you give to parents who feel overwhelmed and helpless in conflict situations with their child?

Acknowledge your helplessness and buy yourself some time. In everyday parenting, there is no need to always react immediately in conflicts. On the contrary: once we have calmed down, we have better and more creative ideas. The easiest way to calm down is with someone else. We need others when we get stuck as parents. This does not always have to be a professional. I advise parents to network and support each other. Alone, we just go round in circles!