On the trail of happiness

When we ask parents what they want most for their children's lives, the most common answer is: «For them to be happy!» But how do you achieve that? And why do so many people fail to do so, even though they are desperately searching for happiness?

Try to answer the following two questions for yourself:

• Wovon hängt die Lebenszufriedenheit eines Menschen ab?
• Was kann man tun, um glücklich zu sein?

You will probably think of various things - probably a mixture of your own experiences, realisations, imprints from your childhood and what you have read and heard.

How do we become happy?

Psychological research has also investigated these questions and has now found answers that can show us the way to greater life satisfaction. Sonja Lyubomirsky, professor of psychology at the University of California, has been researching well-being and happiness for many years. In her book «The How of Happiness», she uses research findings to show that our life satisfaction is influenced by three factors.
The first and most influential will probably surprise you: It's our genes. Many studies show that every person is born with an individual «basic level» of life satisfaction. The large-scale study «Genes, Economics and Happiness» with over 20,000 twins came to the conclusion that around a third of differences in life satisfaction can be attributed to genes. Other studies estimate that the proportion of genes is even higher - up to 80 per cent. Although both positive and negative events lead to short-term mood swings up or down, our sense of happiness always stabilises at our personal baseline level, sometimes surprisingly quickly.

People who actively look after their relationships and are embedded in a community are happier and live longer.

The truism «Every man is the architect of his own fortune» therefore only applies to a limited extent. While some people have a sunny disposition, others find it difficult to go through life in a cheerful mood from an early age. We hope you won't throw in the towel just because of this. Because there are certainly areas that we can influence for ourselves or our children. However, they do not concern things that we usually chase after in our search for happiness - the next success, a higher standard of living, better looks or great holidays. Rather, it is about a handful of small, happiness-giving habits which, according to researcher Lyubomirsky, are the second most important «happiness factor» and have a much stronger influence on our life satisfaction than our circumstances, factor number three. We would like to present a small selection of these to you.

Take time for important relationships

For over 80 years now, the famous long-term study «Harvard Study of Adult Development» has been following former Harvard students and, for many decades, their spouses and children. Among other things, the directors of the study investigate the question of what makes people healthy and happy in the long term. One factor stands out so clearly that it could almost be described as the «key to happiness»: close relationships. People who actively look after their relationships with their partner, parents, children and friends and are embedded in a community stay healthy and mentally fit for longer, are happier throughout their entire lifespan and even live longer. It is not primarily important that these relationships are conflict-free and harmonious, but that they give you the feeling that you can rely on each other in an emergency.

The most important factor for life satisfaction is our genes. The saying «Everyone is the architect of their own happiness» is only partially true.

Nurturing relationships takes time. Under pressure, however, we often tend to focus on ourselves, become self-centred and isolate ourselves. Beautiful moments with other people strengthen us, especially when we feel we don't have time for them. We can actively show our children that we are always willing to put our jobs and emails on hold to spend time together. And we can allow them to see their friends even when exams are coming up.

Savour beautiful moments

Our well-being increases when we experience pleasant feelings such as joy, pride, gratitude, love and hope. It's exciting to take a close look at everyday life together as a family and ask yourself: In which moments am I particularly relaxed, happy, exuberant? What gives me hope? What am I grateful for? What do I enjoy? What makes me proud? Knowing what triggers positive feelings in us helps us to recognise these moments more intensively and to incorporate them more actively into our everyday lives.

Stand up for things that are important to you

Australian palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware has spent many years accompanying the dying and investigated the question of what they regret most. The most frequently voiced complaint was: «I wish I had had the courage to be true to myself instead of living the way others expected me to.»
Time and again, we come across young adults who were so busy trying to find out what others wanted from them during their childhood and school years that they have no answers to questions such as: What are you interested in? What is important to you? What gives you the feeling that your life has meaning? In order to lead a happy life, however, it is crucial that people find answers to such questions. They will only learn this if we as parents do not aim to mould our child, but rather support them in discovering what is inherent in them. To do this, children and young people must be given the opportunity time and again to explore their own interests, discover and utilise their strengths, make their own decisions and follow the paths that suit them, even if they deviate from their parents' ideas.