«My mum doesn't keep her promises»

«Why don't you ask Sarah?»

My mum never keeps her promises! That makes me angry and disappoints me. She's been promising to buy me a new Playstation for a long time because the old one broke (not because of me!), but then it just never works out. She always has excuses as to why it won't work after all. And if I keep asking, she gets angry.
Titus, 13 years old

Dear Titus
That's really annoying and disappointing for you - I can really empathise with you. It's not even just about the object you want, i.e. the Playstation. It's more about the principle.

I don't know what it's like in your home. But many parents attach great importance to being able to rely on their children. This means that if your mum wants you to do your homework properly or tidy your room, for example, then she expects you to actually do it.

Some children are even scolded if they keep forgetting to do their things. The reason for this is to teach them to stick to agreements. This is actually enormously important later in life - once you have grown up.

No intention

Reliability is also very important in relationships between two or more people. If you can't rely on another person, at some point you will no longer trust them. And then you no longer believe a word they say, even if they mean it sincerely.

So you're absolutely right that you don't care if your mum keeps putting you off. In fact, I'm very sure that she wouldn't appreciate it the other way round either if you put her off tidying her room for weeks on end. Sometimes parents don't realise that they are sending out the wrong signals with this kind of behaviour. And in most cases, they don't do it on purpose, they just don't realise it.

Whether it's pocket money, excursions, shopping trips or presents - in my work with children and young people, I unfortunately see this time and again: children wait weeks, months and sometimes years for their parents to finally honour their promises.

You, dear Titus, seem to feel the same way. Even if the Playstation is perhaps not the most important thing in your life (at least I hope it isn't). But you still don't want to be the one who's whinging all the time about something that was actually promised a long time ago.

A letter is a bit old-fashioned, but many parents like it very much.

My tip to you: write a little letter to your mum. In it, you could write that you've been wanting a replacement for your Playstation for ... (date or month) you've been wanting a replacement for your Playstation. And that she promised you one. Tell her that you don't like having to keep asking and reminding her about it. And that you would like to be able to rely on her when she promises something.

Ask her what you could do to finally get the item you want. And if it's okay with you, write to her and tell her that you realise how much she does for you and the family every day and that you are grateful for it.

Buy a used Playstation

Of course, you could also tell her all this verbally. But I'm afraid it won't go down so well and you might even get into a fight. That won't get you any closer to your goal. A letter is a bit old-fashioned, but many parents really like it. And otherwise just try a message on your mobile phone.

Now I come up with another possibility. Have you ever thought about organising a second-hand Playstation? There are various platforms on the internet where you can find such things for little money. Your parents probably know of websites where you can sell things you no longer need with free adverts.

And while we're on the subject: maybe you still have toys from the past that you no longer need. If they are still complete and look okay, you could perhaps sell them and earn a few extra francs to put towards a new (or second-hand) Playstation.

If you suggest this option to your mum, she will certainly be open to it and help you. It will show her how mature and committed you are. I am convinced that you will surprise your mum - whether with the letter or with the suggestion to sacrifice your old toys for a new Playstation.

Good luck!