My child is autistic
The day begins with a kiss. Sometimes at 6 a.m., sometimes in the middle of the night. Emilio's nights are short. And so are mine. Before breakfast, I check everything: are all the lights in the room on? Is the fridge working? It's a time-consuming endeavour. The morning washing ritual also takes a lot of time. Depending on your mood, dental hygiene alone takes 20 minutes. Clean teeth are important because Emilio refuses to go to the dentist.
Getting dressed doesn't go any faster. A bird chirps here, a cloud passes by there. Sometimes I repeat my instructions ten times. This requires a break, because the way to school is the next challenge: whether it's a Coke lid on the floor or two mismatched socks on a passer-by - Emilio wants to keep things tidy. I remind him each time: No matter what you see, we have to keep going.
Emilio has to learn to be without me
Bruna Rausa, mother of Emilio
Emilio attends the school for the blind. It also teaches autistic children. In addition to individual lessons, he attends the upper school class to develop his social skills. There he is the baby of the family and is looked after. He eats lunch at school with other children and once a week he spends the night in a residential group. He has to learn to be without me. Nevertheless, I am always on call in case his mood changes. That can happen from one minute to the next.
We always have dinner at my parents' house, usually early, so that we have enough time to go shopping every evening. Emilio insists on this. Luckily, the shop round the corner is open until 8pm. If necessary, we switch to shops in the railway station. Emilio's shopping list includes gluten-free and lactose-free products. And chicken cold cuts. Regardless of whether he's hungry or not.
Again and again I have to explain why Emilio is the way he is.
Emilio's mother
If the shopping is cancelled, it causes Emilio emotional pain. Then he screams. In the shop, Emilio follows the lines on the floor. Always in the same order, starting with the milk. The problems start as soon as customers put goods back on the wrong shelf. He rearranges it and demands the same sense of order from the customers, sometimes vehemently.
People don't recognise Emilio's autism
He is fascinated by the technical set-up of the self-service checkouts, and that of each individual checkout. That always causes trouble. People don't recognise his autism. He's just a cheeky 9-year-old boy with a mum who is failing at parenting. I always have to explain why Emilio is the way he is. Autism can be ungrateful. I live separately from Emilio's father. Sometimes Emilio spends the weekend with him. I only manage all this thanks to family help.
Everything revolves around the child
But I often wish I had more support for the family. Everything in my life revolves around the child. Sometimes I feel desperate. The clarifying and organising never stops and constantly presents me with new challenges. I wasn't born the mother of an autistic child.
When we're apart, I miss him after just an hour.
Bruno Rausa, single mother of Emilio
It took me a long time to accept autism as a way of life. That also means accepting all the rituals. When we get home in the evening, it's the washing machine ritual. Emilio checks whether the ventilation is working and the tumble dryer is clean. He often just watches the washing drums turn. If he hears something stirring in the laundry room from the flat, I sometimes can't stop him from doing another check. His passion requires a lot of understanding from the neighbours. The day ends with the bedtime ritual. If he's scared, he sleeps in my bed. If he is very scared, he lies on my back. That way he prevents me from suddenly leaving. How could I? He is such a lovely child. If we are separated, I miss him after just an hour.
