Music lessons: Relationships come first

Passionata - Music lessons make the difference

There is feedback from children that sweetens your life for a long time. And they can fly at you unexpectedly in the school building. A few years ago, I met Zyan* outside the singing hall. It was just before the summer holidays. At that time, there were piles of clothes, hats and water bottles on the windowsill in the corridor with the last call to collect the lost property before it went to the clothes collection. Zyan's parents have asked him to look for his jacket.

I helped the second-grader rummage through the display. We didn't speak at all. I only heard his deep sighs as we unsuccessfully approached the end of the textile jungle. The boy was always on the verge of tears of despair, even in music lessons. He was an attentive and eager pupil, but often showed a suffering, angry face without me being able to recognise a reason for it.

Silent protest

I only had the class as a substitute for one semester. We finished our time together with a small workshop performance. Zyan was against the project right from the start. But he didn't go on strike, he joined in, but expressed silent protest in the form of a permanently bitter expression on his face. He carried this through to and including his performance. When I tried to encourage him, praise him or ask him what he needed to feel good, he asked me to leave him alone.

This made his sentence, which came out of nowhere on this hot summer evening in the school corridor, all the more poignant: «They knew I could do it before I knew I could.» He was referring to the performance the day before.

Every child needs adults who give them the feeling that they are not giving up.

This second-grader showed gratitude for me forcing him to be happy. It blew me away and the memory of the moment still touches me years later. It made me realise how we teachers have a relationship with all children, even when they seem to turn away. And that there can be a turning point at any time.

Every child needs adults who give them the feeling that they are not giving up. My mother ran a dance and theatre school. After her death, I received letters and phone calls from former pupils who told me what a difference that one lesson a week made to their lives. They were able to break through an unloved role they usually had at school or at home. They were connected with another self through their artistic activity. And they described how they trusted my mum. How they felt they belonged, just by turning up once a week to dance and play theatre.

The pedagogical triangle

My mother died young, so I was no longer able to ask her for advice when I changed careers to become a music teacher. But I remember how the children and young people were expected and allowed to do their best - whatever that was. I don't remember her ever saying anything bad about the hundreds of pupils she taught. The famous pedagogical triangle between teacher, child and subject was lived.

We have the task of watching over relationships and nurturing them. This is exactly what makes the difference in everyday school life. It makes the difference in the children's lives.

After the summer holidays, Zyan joined our voluntary choir and continued to attend the singing hall every week. He smiled more than before. It didn't matter that he was still grumpy from time to time. It was part of it. He was part of it.

*Thenames of the children have been changed by the editors.