Mum, Dad, tell us what you were like as children!

A team led by Paul Zak from Claremont Graduate University in California was able to show that people release various hormones when they follow a story. The exciting elements lead to an increased release of the stress hormone cortisol, which in moderate doses increases concentration and improves memory.

In addition, oxytocin is released, a hormone that is closely linked to our bonding system and is associated with caring, empathetic and generous behaviour. When we hear a story that touches us emotionally, that allows us to empathise with the protagonists, to see the world through their eyes, to experience friendship, courage, bravery and devotion, we want to do the same as our heroes.

The campfire moments, getting together as a large family at the kitchen table, have disappeared from everyday family life.

As children today experience stories primarily through books, radio plays and films, sharing their own experiences is on the decline. The campfire moments, the extended family get-togethers at the kitchen table, have disappeared from everyday family life. Many of us may remember grandparents who could reminisce for hours and talk about what it was like when ... Sometimes you listened with fascination, sometimes you were annoyed because you already suspected what episode would follow next.

Whether you find such stories exciting or not, they give us an awareness of our own roots. They provide answers to questions such as: Where do I come from? What did my grandparents and parents experience? How did our family develop and become what it is? And that is important!

Stories empower children

A team of researchers from Emory University (Fivush et al., 2010) investigated how well children and adolescents know about their family. This revealed an interesting correlation: the more the children knew about the lives of their own parents and grandparents, the higher their emotional well-being, self-esteem and self-efficacy. Children and young people who were familiar with their family history had a more pronounced sense of identity and were more likely to believe that they could make good decisions and actively shape their future.

Knowing where you come from is a need that is often evident in adopted children: Even if these children have grown up in a loving, intact family and cannot remember their biological parents, they often have a growing desire to find out their life story as a whole.

Psychotherapy also often aims to address the values, beliefs and formative experiences that have been unconsciously passed down through generations. As a result, the patient gets to know themselves better, can better categorise their own difficulties and come to terms with stressful issues.

Small children often have the impression that their parents were born as adults. When I was about four years old and my grandmother came to visit, I asked my mum in an unguarded moment: «So, how did Daddy meet Grandma?» But even as teenagers or adults, we still sometimes find it difficult to imagine our parents as children or young people.

It's worth taking children back to their own past from time to time.

Perhaps you will take these lines as an opportunity to ask yourself: How did my parents experience their school days? What friendships shaped them as children and teenagers? Which adults gave them positive advice, who did they tremble in fear of? When did they experience heartache for the first time? How did they get their job and how did their apprenticeship or studies go? How did my parents meet? Who made the first move? What was their everyday life like before they had children? What were the happiest and most difficult times in their lives? How did my parents experience their own parents?

Perhaps you are one of those people who can answer such questions immediately and in detail. However, you may also realise at this moment that little has been said about the past in your family.

Your life is worth telling!

It is worth taking children back to your own past from time to time. Perhaps you tell them about an episode in which you felt particularly happy and exuberant, or one in which you were ashamed, sad or disappointed. Or a moment when you had to fight a conflict, overcome an obstacle or make amends.

Or you can let your child share your school days, your first heartbreak or getting to know the other parent. This allows you to reach your children on different levels.

You will discover parallels to your own life and perhaps understand your parents better.

Go through the questions above again in your mind: Once you know the answers, you will feel much closer to your parents. You will discover parallels to your own life and perhaps understand your parents better because you will realise that they also had to carry their own rucksack.

The older the children get, the more such conversations become an opportunity to maintain and deepen the relationship with each other. At the same time, you can pass on experiences and life wisdom in this way without appearing to be a moraliser or know-it-all.

Especially when you don't have any clever answers up your sleeve, shared experiences form a bridge to each other. When my son felt rejected by his best friend, I told him that my best and only friend in fifth grade suddenly no longer wanted to date me because he had his first girlfriend - a girl who couldn't stand me and signalled to him that he now «belonged» to her.

My son wanted to know what it was like for me. «Bad,» I replied, and that it had taken time for the two of them to break up again and for me to get my boyfriend back. I couldn't offer my son a solution. But the story made him feel less alone.