Mr Willi, what do you need for a happy life?

Happiness depends much less on external circumstances than we think. Prof Sigmar Willi, lecturer in personality development and expert in positive psychology, talks in an interview about why parents should above all exemplify their own happiness.

Mr Willi, what exactly is happiness?

There is a wonderful quote from Margaret Lee Runbeck on this question, namely that happiness is not a state, but a way of travelling. A person is travelling happily when their way of going through life is conducive to positive feelings. The science of positive psychology defines happiness as a person's long-term personal well-being, which means that they are satisfied with their life circumstances, feel good personally and experience as many good feelings as possible in everyday life.

What do you need for a happy life?

According to scientist Sonja Lyubomirsky's happiness formula, 50 per cent of the factors behind differences in people's happiness levels are genetic, while 40 per cent are controlled by our thoughts and actions and only 10 per cent depend on external circumstances. We can therefore significantly influence our personal well-being through our attitude, mindset and behaviour. Very few people realise that life circumstances only have a minor influence on our sense of happiness. Many people attach too much importance to factors such as career or material wealth and are surprised when they have achieved everything and still feel empty. What is really important for personal well-being is not external circumstances, but rather our inner attitude to life. Unless your basic needs are not met.

Prof Sigmar Willi, lecturer in personality development at the FHS St. Gallen, independent consultant and coach.
Prof Sigmar Willi, lecturer in personality development at the FHS St. Gallen, independent consultant and coach.

Where should I focus if I want to bring more happiness into my life?

If you want to improve your well-being, you should focus on your mindset, your attitude to life and your behaviour. As far as the future is concerned, it is important to cultivate an optimistic attitude towards life and set yourself achievable goals. It is also important to recognise a certain meaningfulness in life; many people are helped by their belief in a higher power. In the present, commitment in professional or private life makes people happy. The more often a person commits themselves to a cause and is absorbed in it, the more effective they feel. Good feelings are also intensified when acts of pleasure and enjoyment are experienced with full attention, i.e. mindfully. A person's mindset also plays a major role with regard to the past, as the evaluation of past experiences is controlled by a person's thoughts. By changing the way we think, we can influence stressful events from the past and let go of negative experiences.

«Resilience is not the reason for a good life, but rather the consequence of a good life.»

Can I also be happy when fate strikes me?

Of course, a person's life satisfaction drops for a while immediately after a stroke of fate, but it is possible to become happy again even after serious events. I experienced this myself after my wife died and I was suddenly alone with four children. It is important to maintain an optimistic attitude to life even after a stroke of fate. The right attitude towards life and favourable behavioural patterns can promote a person's resilience. Resilience is not the reason for a good life, but rather the consequence of a good life.

What can I give my child along the way?

First and foremost, we parents have to start with ourselves. Everyone is responsible for their own wellbeing. We can also demand this from our partner. Only if we parents lead a good life can we pass this on to our children. It is important for their development to give children responsibility, trust and set boundaries. Parenting is a constantly evolving process of negotiation between parents and children based on good communication.

Mr Willi, are you happy?

Yes, I'm happy most of the time. I also have unhappy moments, but I know how to deal with them. It's an illusion to want to be happy every day. Everyone is allowed to be unhappy for a certain amount of time as long as they know how to get back on track for new happiness. If you are satisfied with your life circumstances and consciously experience as many feel-good moments as possible in everyday life, you have a good chance of finding happiness.

Read more about happiness and resilience:

  • A resilient person can deal with defeat and loss. Parents also want to pass on this mental resilience to their children. And you can actually do a lot to help your child develop this inner strength. Read the articles in our large online dossier on the topic of resilience.
  • How does happiness work and what 10 tips can you use to integrate it into everyday family life?