Mr Hodgkinson, why are lazy parents better parents?

Mr Hodgkinson, what do lazy parents do better than others?

They leave their children alone. Or at least try to.

Now you need to be a little more precise.

It seems to me that there are two extremes to parenthood: on the one hand, we have types like the «tiger mother» from the USA, who spoil children's lives with their ambition, pushing them in the direction where they think life will be successful. On the other side are the so-called modern parents. They see it as a natural fact that parenthood means sacrificing yourself. They are obsessed to an almost ridiculous degree with the idea of being good parents. They have one thing in common with the «tiger mum»: they see the child as their project. As a lazy father, I say: leave your children alone!

What does it mean to leave the children alone?

Let's take my parents as an example. They are now 70 and were pretty selfish people. They were too interested in their own lives to constantly revolve around us. That didn't harm my brother and me, on the contrary. We became independent, self-reliant people. It may sound paradoxical, but lazy parents are responsible parents precisely because trust in the child and respect for their needs are at the heart of their parenting philosophy. Today, we sacrifice ourselves for our children, but we don't respect them. We want to mould them and are constantly afraid that we are not doing enough. But the opposite is true. It's too much! That's why I wrote the «Guide for lazy parents» back then.

Online dossier on mindfulness and slowing down

It says: Ignore your children - the more the merrier.

There was one key experience: our eldest son was five when he was shouting in our ears: «I want entertainment!» I knew then that we had to change a few things. It's always said: give the child something to do, otherwise he might get bored. But this way the child grows into an adult who always needs others to tell them what to do next. These are not good conditions for a life of independence. There is creative potential in doing nothing: the child learns to do something with itself.

First of all, the child will grumble.

Of course. I'm not saying that this is easy to put up with. The younger ones in particular are not so easy to get rid of. When we still lived in the country, I used to get the children involved in chores around the house. Now that we're back in the city and they're teenagers, they hang around in front of the box or play on the computer when they're bored. Sometimes it's too much effort for me to shoo them away. Bored children are exhausting - but we should still be careful not to cram their days full of programmes. Activities are the scourge of modern childhood.

What do you mean?

Modern childhood is thoroughly organised. After school, we drive the children to all kinds of courses. That seems better than sending them outside where they could fall out of trees or be abducted. We have commercialised play - wherever children go, adults are already ready with their pedagogical concept. In my childhood, the best playgrounds were the ones we found ourselves. A former rubbish tip, for example, where we found all sorts of interesting things. We played there instead of going to sports clubs.

They don't come off particularly well in your book.

Yes, they are a nuisance. When our eldest son was five, my partner booked tennis lessons for him - on Saturdays at nine! I don't know what possessed her. Most parents have a job, so they shouldn't be playing taxi driver at the weekend. These days are for sleeping in. My partner and I quickly agreed on that. In fact, one day we simply stopped getting up every Sunday to prepare the family breakfast. Instead, we just carried on snoozing. One fine day, our son Arthur, then eight, came to our bed at ten o'clock with two cups of tea. Isn't that marvellous?

Sports clubs are a nuisance. Weekends are for sleeping in.

Are you a strict father?

I would say so. Otherwise the children become a pain in the arse. We were quite consistent in letting them help out and we did a lot of things together: cooking, baking, gardening. It's the simple things that help us to slow down. This also includes shared meals. Our dishwasher broke down once. We didn't replace it - and discovered what fun washing up can be when you do it to good music. That's what it's all about: We should have fun with the kids. We forget to enjoy the present with them because we are eager to prepare them for the future.

How relaxed are you when it comes to school?

A good education is also important to me. Not because I want my children to end up on the carpet of society, but because education makes it easier for us to live independently. It has enabled me to do the things in life that I like to do. That's what I want for my children.

And if they don't keep up with their learning?

We once booked Latin tutoring via Skype for the older children. They hated it - but it was worth it. You see: Even lazy parents do their best. All parents probably have some concern for their children's future. But we shouldn't overdo it.

You earn your living by writing about leisure. How relaxed is your life?

As relaxed as it can be. In the ten years we lived in the country, my partner helped out at school from time to time and I wrote for four hours every morning. That was it. When we moved back to London in 2011, we opened a book café. My four-hour day became a sixteen-hour day. It was horrible, but we had to make it work. Now things have calmed down.

Nevertheless, it sounds like a lot of activity for someone who preaches idleness.

Idleness doesn't just mean hanging around. It's also about doing nice things and enjoying life. Sure, I'm often at work for longer than four hours. But at least I take my midday nap almost every day, and I usually manage to get up at nine every other day. My partner and I take it in turns. We walk to the café, which takes an hour. Walking is relaxing!

Is leisure something for the privileged?

No. Taking a more relaxed approach to life is a decision that is open to many people in an SME environment. You have the choice.

Does this also apply to nurses and construction workers?

Idleness is not so much a question of money. I earn about the same as a nurse. You can enjoy leisure at different levels. You don't have to quit your job to do so. It starts with not wasting your free time in front of the television, but doing something with it that gives you pleasure. But it's true: The idler is frugal. This frees them from the pressure of having to earn more and more.

As a family man, where do you see potential for savings?

When it comes to housing. People take on incredibly high rental costs and mortgages because they want a lot of space. And then they're hardly ever at home. Then there's the money they waste on expensive cars. We idlers are always on the lookout for unconventional sources of income.

For example?

You can rent out rooms or your entire flat to tourists via the Internet platform Airbnb. It's very popular at the moment. When we're short of money, we kick one of the children out of his room and a tourist stays there for a few days. When we go to the countryside over Easter, we rent out the whole house.

Picture: Fotolia

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