Juul: «We need a diagnosis for traumatised children of divorce»
A few years ago, I was guest editor of a magazine. In some reports, I wrote about the fact that more and more children and young people are being diagnosed at a very young age and that I find this alarming. As a result, I received letters from many readers. One of the most eager discussants came to the conclusion: «Juul doesn't like diagnoses.»
Others emphasised that their children had finally received a diagnosis after years of frustration and helplessness. I am often asked to make a diagnosis myself for the children and young people I write about in my column. That's why I want to clearly express my attitude to diagnoses in general.
Perhaps I should start by saying that I am not authorised to make any diagnoses, both for people who are described to me and for people I have met personally. I have also met people who, in my opinion, would have benefited from a diagnosis.
So I am not against diagnoses in general - neither for professional reasons nor out of general conviction. However, I am against the tendency to immediately look for a diagnosis when adults are frustrated because they don't understand their child's behaviour. They can, of course, refuse to examine their own behaviour as a possible factor - a behaviour that I find particularly worrying in teachers and educators.
Diagnoses can also have a positive effect on the family
We now know so much about the importance of interpersonal relationships for the well-being and behaviour of individuals that psychologically trained people in particular should always question their own behaviour and modify it if necessary before seeking a diagnosis for their child. In my opinion, however, not all parents can be expected to do this, although they should always be encouraged to do so.
A few months ago, a father wrote to me: «Our nine-year-old son was recently diagnosed with Asperger's. After years of frustration and helplessness, we finally got an explanation as to why he is the way he is. After years of frustration and helplessness, we finally got an explanation of why he is the way he is and, not least, what we parents can do differently and better. We weren't able to change our own behaviour until we received a diagnosis, and only now do we realise that we should have done so long ago.»
As far as I know, no one has ever claimed that Asperger's syndrome is a consequence of disturbed relationships between parents and children, and this example is an excellent illustration of how diagnoses can also have a positive effect on family interaction. We often see something similar in couple relationships when, after a long period of frustration, helplessness and conflict, it finally becomes clear that one of the partners has had clinical depression for months.
In recent years, many adults have subsequently been diagnosed with ADHD and are now taking medication. Most of them are very happy about this and report an improved quality of life. It will be interesting to hear what they think about it in ten years' time.
People with post-traumatic stress disorder receive far more care and sympathy than noisy, aggressive children and young people.
Let me give you an example where I am actually hoping for a diagnosis. I am convinced that the majority of children and adolescents who are diagnosed with various behavioural disorders these days and who are sometimes even expelled from school - partly because adults do not know how to behave constructively and empathetically towards them - are actually suffering from PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder.
You might ask yourself what difference this makes. Quite simply, people with post-traumatic stress disorder receive far more care and sympathy than noisy, aggressive children and young people.
Another and no less important difference is that the therapeutic offer is completely different. I am equally certain that a significant proportion of these children and young people have been traumatised by their parents' divorce - or rather by their parents' destructive behaviour before, during and after the divorce.
It is now known that even relatively civilised divorces delay a child's learning progress by six to twelve months. When «bad behaviour» occurs in combination with poor intellectual performance, the foundation is laid for a problematic future. The good news is that both can be remedied within the school setting and without medication.
The consequences of divorce
In this context, thorough and qualitative studies on the consequences of separation and divorce are an indispensable necessity. By «qualitative» I mean that the children and young people concerned rarely report on their actual experiences, feelings and experiences when confronted with standardised questions.
Several individual interviews are needed at different distances from the divorce itself. I would also like to suggest setting up «divorce groups» in schools.
Children of divorce often find themselves in a double dilemma. Half of them fall silent, become lonely and withdraw into themselves. The other half becomes lonely, restless and aggressive. The explanation for this is well known, namely that the children's reticence is due to their consideration for their parents.
Divorces are so normal today that children perceive their pain as unusual.
The other is that divorce is so normal and socially accepted nowadays that children perceive their own pain as deviant and unusual. There are always other children in the class who also have divorced parents but seem to be coping well with this situation. Children of divorce in particular need a neutral adult and a group of children who are in the same situation.
Our experience with grieving children teaches us that these groups are not only incredibly valuable for their members, but also prevent even more serious psychological and social problems. In addition, such groups are easy to establish and manage.
There are many empathetic and competent teachers and school psychologists who could supervise such groups after a short training course.
This would have the important side effect that the supervisors would gain a much more differentiated impression of the pupils and their behaviour, making many preconceived diagnoses and attributions superfluous.
