«I was always under pressure to eat a lot»
When I was about 14, I grew a lot, I was very hungry and ate a lot. Sometimes I also had binge eating attacks because I was sad or stressed and had no one to talk to. Since then, I've been very preoccupied with the topic of food.
In my family, which comes from Serbia, it is considered positive to be a bit heavier. A few relatives are also overweight. But it was clear to me that I didn't want to be like that. When we were with relatives or on holiday, I was always under pressure to eat a lot. I felt bad for a while afterwards. I didn't consciously want to lose weight - but I simply had no appetite. It happened again and again that I ate very little or almost nothing for a few days.
I just want to accept myself as I am.
When I was 16 or 17, I was more concerned about food than I wanted to be. I often looked in the mirror and wondered whether my legs or face were too fat. But others still thought I was slim. Fasting for days on end made me feel tired and lacking in energy over time, which worried me.
About a year ago, I went to the doctor. He diagnosed an iron and vitamin deficiency and sent me to a nutritionist. There we looked together at why I sometimes eat a lot and sometimes a little. It was also about finding out how I get all the nutrients I need and what I can actually eat when I don't have an appetite - liquid food, for example. I also had to think about what my feel-good weight is. I thought about this for a long time. I then realised that I no longer want to worry so much about weight and appearance. I just want to accept myself as I am.
The nutritionist and the psychologist helped me a lot. It's good to know that they exist.
In addition to the nutritional counselling, I regularly saw a psychologist. The counselling was about what made me sad or angry and how I could deal with it better. Both helped me a lot because I had someone to talk to about my problems and got specific tips on my diet. It was like a journey - and now I know much better how to prevent hunger pangs and binge eating.
I'm doing much better now and the appointments are less frequent. But it's good to know that there's someone to turn to if I have a relapse. Or when I start a new phase in my life, for example when I start my degree in industrial engineering next year.
*Name changed
