«I tell myself: Be brave and don't think too much!»

Perhaps it will help those who are similar to me if someone shares their experiences here. Someone with Asperger syndrome who also has their struggles. For example, I don't like being around lots of people. Even birthday parties used to be too much for me. The chaos and noise were so overwhelming that I could hardly stand it.

Then there are strangers who talk to you. I can't stand that. Although, it's actually okay now: I can go to a party with my girlfriend and I don't have a problem if someone talks to me. That wouldn't have been possible before; a conversation like this would have been impossible.

When I'm alone in the forest, switch off the saw and there's nothing but silence – that's when I'm happy.

My school days were turbulent. When the others were running around in the corridors and chatting in the classroom, it made me nervous. With the tension came anger. Sometimes it was so strong that I smashed a chair. Or grabbed someone by the jumper and knocked them over if they annoyed me. In the best case, I reacted by messing around.

Either way, my mum often had to pick me up. At some point, I automatically became the suspect whenever there were problems. That hurt and made me angry – it was a vicious circle. Lessons moved too fast for me, I often couldn't follow and didn't know how to approach things.

ADHD first discovered

They first discovered that I had ADHD, and then in third grade, the learning disability and Asperger syndrome were added to the mix. I need things explained to me in much more detail. It works best when someone writes things down.

But it can't take too long, otherwise concentration levels drop – which isn't exactly easy for teachers. From Year 5 onwards, I attended a special school. The boys there had serious problems, were involved in street fights and smoked weed. I stuck it out there for two years until a place became available at my current school.

I am now in ninth grade, but I only attend school one day a week. The rest of the time I work on farms. In August, I will start an apprenticeship as a farmer. I have always been good with animals. As a child, I often went to my grandparents' house when things got too busy at home; I have five siblings. My grandfather was a dairy farmer, and he took me everywhere with him and let me drive his machines.

When there was a disagreement, he knew what to do to stop me thinking about it. Then we would go haymaking, talk about the cows or do odd jobs. When animals act strangely – goats tear open feed sacks or a cow breaks out – I take it in my stride. They don't know any better. I never get angry with animals.

Fixed routines

The forest also gives me strength. I used to chop wood when I was a little boy. When I'm out there alone, I switch off the saw and there's nothing but silence – that's when I'm happy. My girlfriend is also very important to me. She doesn't have the same thing as me, at least she hasn't been tested, but she understands me in a way that no one else does.

Autism as a superpower? What a load of rubbish.

What I also appreciate about farming is the fixed routines of feeding, milking, mucking out and so on. If there are any deviations because a cow has injured itself or the weather changes, I have no problem with that. It's just important to me that processes are generally regulated and are roughly the same every day. I get on well with the farmer I work for. He has two children himself, one of whom had difficulties – someone like that can empathise better with someone like me.

I am cautious about sharing my diagnosis. When people find out that I have Asperger syndrome, they often think they have to behave differently around me. Is autism a superpower? That's complete nonsense. At the same time, we are not all completely limited. At the end of the day, we are human beings with strengths and weaknesses.

I struggled at school, including socially for a long time . But I'm good with my hands – I built my own chicken coop, for example. And I've learned a lot about dealing with people. For example, I've learned that it's not so bad to talk to others, and that you don't have to be perfectly prepared. Today, I tell myself: Be brave and don't think too much!