How your child develops independence
When children are asked to take responsibility for themselves, this usually happens at the first faux pas. «Oh dear...! What have you done? Where did you get such an idea?» The very tone of the question is reproachful and far from being open and interested in a possible answer.
The wrongdoer flinches, contorts his or her face in shame and the tears start rolling. The sight of the pasta expertly draped around the children's chair, the vase shattered into a thousand pieces or the neighbour's child screaming loudly and splattered with sand says it all: a line has obviously been crossed.
Independence is not desired everywhere
In the course of childhood and especially adolescence, such and similar situations will occur more often. Recognising and learning the written and unwritten laws, rituals and rules of the environment is complicated and not just a matter of course.
What is acceptable at home may be taboo in the school environment. What elicits a smile from Mrs Müller may be considered a breach of morality by Mr Meier. Where an act is desirable in the home country, it is already in the grey area of expectations in the host country. The line between social acceptance and tolerance can be narrow and confusing: There are pitfalls lurking around every corner.
As people generally want to be valued by their environment for their actions and recognised for their efforts, failures in the public sphere are painful and often associated with shame. Such injuries can result in either withdrawal and conformity at all costs or noticeably suppressed anger and frustration.
Children who are able to gain experience of independence in a protected environment as young children will be more confident and self-assured later on.
Independence can be learnt
When children try to protect themselves with one of these behaviours, their actions often seem incomprehensible and difficult to those around them. Why does Timo have no opinion of his own and says yes and amen to everything? Why is Anna so thin-skinned and reacts with anger at every little thing? This starts a vicious circle of action and reaction, especially in childcare and at school.
The good news is that, like all socio-emotional skills, independence and taking responsibility can be learnt and practised. Children who are given the opportunity to take their first steps in this area as young children in the protected environment of their parents' home or daycare centre will later be more confident and self-assured on their own in the slippery terrain of the peer group. It is important to find out where implicit and explicit rules must be observed and adhered to by everyone and when they can, must and should be questioned.
Parents can use the following ideas to support their child's ability to cooperate well with others, to recognise and take boundaries seriously and to respect democratic rules and decisions. Creativity, negotiating skills and taking responsibility are also practised in a fun and playful way. With growing experience and according to the current stage of development, the scope of action is expanded and supplemented. The family benefits from committed members who think and act together, no matter how small they are!
1. short trousers weather
The same scenario every spring. As soon as your little one catches sight of the first tentative rays of sunshine, he or she unmistakably demands midsummer clothing. Above all, this means shorts and sleeveless shirts. Instead of getting involved in daily arguments about the feeling of warmth and cold, come to an agreement with your child. At 20 degrees it is the sleeveless T-shirt, at 25 degrees shorts are also acceptable. Give them responsibility for consulting the thermometer on the patio and mark the relevant limits in red.
2. cuddle the dog
Let your child choose what they would like to do for the community: cuddle the dog twice a day, bake the Sunday plait with mum, send granddad a few WhatsApp messages regularly? The original ideas from the brainstorming session at the family table will surprise you! Once the tasks have been agreed and written down, you will demand that they are completed punctually and reliably without compromise.
Holidays planned together become an unforgettable experience.
3. living democracy
Use regional or national elections and votes as an opportunity to take a trip into direct democracy. Explain to your children in an understandable way what you as adults are allowed to decide on and listen to how your children would vote. Place a shoe box in the entrance area as a voting box and let your family decide the next Sunday menu by secret ballot. The little ones can draw.
4 Maldives or camping by the lake?
Let the children have a say in where they want to go on their next holiday. They determine the requirements and budget. Then it's time for a lively discussion in the family council: water, mountains or skyscrapers? Biking, snorkelling or a hammock? The youngest children can start with their suggestions and receive support if they wish. As parents, you have the veto. The solution is democracy in action and the jointly planned holiday becomes an unforgettable experience.
5. star chefs
Why not indulge yourself? At least once a month, the junior team takes over the kitchen and conjures up the Sunday evening menu. From shopping to service, the lead is with your children, you only have a say in the costs. The older the cooks, the more sophisticated the menu. One thing is important: cleaning up the kitchen is part of the programme!
6. shopping spree
The smart jacket, the cool trainers and the black cap would be your child's greatest happiness. Unfortunately, these splendid items are neither to your taste, nor are they made from sustainable materials or meet the agreed budget limits. Before you get caught up in endless discussions with arguments and tearful outcomes, ask your teenager to present you with good alternative suggestions with irrefutable reasons for the purchase. Let yourself be surprised and convinced!
