How wild can sleepover parties be?

A mum is worried because her eight-year-old daughter watched too much TV at a sleepover party and didn't get enough sleep. This is what our team of experts says.

Images: Adobe Stock, Anne Gabriel-Jürgens / 13 Photo, Pino Stranieri

One question - three opinions

My daughter, 8, recently spent the night at a friend's house. The next day she was dead tired. As it turned out, the girls watched five hours of TV and didn't fall asleep until 1am. I realise that it can get late at sleepover parties and that people like to watch a film. But that's too much for us. What rules should I insist on when talking to my mum?Marianne, 39, Winterthur

This is what our team of experts says:

Nicole Althaus
If the pyjama party took place at the weekend, everything is half as bad. Even if the TV hadn't been on, the girls wouldn't have slept. It was all far too exciting. Even with my daughters, the giggling in the nursery only stopped after midnight and the third reminder. After all, it doesn't happen every week. During the week, on the other hand, there was no sleepover. Not even without a film. After all, there was school the next day. Full stop. Conclusion.
Annette Cina
Exceptions make life beautiful. But this exception goes too far for you. If you are not at all comfortable with this, you must express your wishes. Think carefully about how far you can go. Is one film okay, or maybe two? What bedtime would be tolerable? At the next invitation, contact the parents and ask what is planned. Bring in your wishes and clarify whether this can be honoured. Then decide whether your daughter can go to her friend's house for the sleepover. Alternative: Make an exception and adjust your daily routine the next day.
Peter Schneider
Pischi parties with hours of watching films and going to bed late are the excesses of eight-year-olds. I don't suppose she had to go to school afterwards. So she could have gone to bed again at lunchtime. In other words, you don't really need to enforce any rules. Party nights are an exception - especially for eight-year-olds - and only confirm the rule, of which they are the exception. Don't spoil your daughter's fun afterwards.


The team of experts:

  • Annette Cina, 52, works at the Institute for Family Research and Counselling at the University of Freiburg. In her own practice, the psychologist, psychotherapist and mother of three counsels young people and adults. Her research focuses on the prevention of child behavioural disorders, couple conflicts, parenting and stress.
  • Peter Schneider, 65, is a columnist, satirist, psychoanalyst, private lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Zurich and visiting professor for the history and scientific theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.
  • Nicole Althaus, 54, is editor-in-chief of magazines and a member of the editorial board of «NZZ am Sonntag», columnist and author. She initiated and managed the mum blog on tagesanzeiger.ch and was editor-in-chief of «wir eltern». Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children aged 20 and 16.
Do you also have a question?

In this section, experts answer YOUR questions about parenting and everyday life with children.
Send an e-mail to: redaktion@fritzundfraenzi.ch