How do we talk to our teen about porn?
1. can you kiss your child on the mouth?
This kissing can be an abuse, but it can also be a «harmless» ritual. If this ritual is wanted by both parties, there is no reason to refrain from it. The only question is what options a child has to defend itself against it - if it is not wanted by the child. After all, children almost always co-operate with their parents.
Caroline Märki, parent coach
2. the son has his first ejaculation or the daughter her first menstruation. How do you behave as parents?
It is easier for a child to deal with this new situation if it learns from its parents that this is completely normal, healthy and therefore enjoyable. The more naturally the parents deal with it, the easier it will be for the child too.
Answer all the child's questions at the first menstruation or first ejaculation - but don't give a lecture.
Sarah Zanoni, psychologist
The first menstruation can be particularly overwhelming for a girl, especially if she gets it very young and hardly knows any other girls around her who are already at this stage. Frustration, fear or anger can arise. It makes sense to listen to your daughter sensitively and encourage her. And calmly place enough sanitary towels in the toilet and explain how to use them. You can also mention any side effects such as tummy ache - and what you can do about them.
More tips for the first menstruation:
When a son has his first ejaculation, it should also be handled sensitively, naturally and calmly. Making fun of it would be anything but helpful. This first time often happens at the age of around nine - many boys take it quite naturally and many parents don't even find out about it.
Answer any questions your child has on these topics and be happy when they come to you with them. But don't give a lecture straight away: children only ever ask as many questions as they can handle.
Sarah Zanoni, educational psychologist
3. my child is having his first sexual experiences. Should I talk to him about it?
If it turns out that way, absolutely. But I wouldn't force such a conversation.
Caroline Märki, parent coach
4 How should mothers and fathers talk to their growing child about sexuality and pornography?
Whether girls or boys, the topics are the same, and the message must always be: Sex is great! Sexual curiosity is natural. And they should tell their children very clearly: «Porn is different from real sex. When you watch it, you don't immediately become addicted to porn or sexually disturbed. But you need to think about what you're watching and what it can do to you.»
You don't get addicted to heroin from smoking weed , but you should be aware of the dangers of drugs. We know that everything we watch influences us. Why else would there be such a successful advertising industry?
Peggy Orenstein, US journalist and author of the bestseller "Girls & Sex - What it means to grow up in today's society"
5. your daughter or son has stayed overnight for the first time. How do you behave in the bathroom the morning after?
You greet each other. Then you make it clear to your son or daughter that your home is not a flophouse or a hotel. This means that as parents, you have the right to know in advance who your daughter or son is bringing home at night so that there are no embarrassing situations in the bathroom in the morning.
Allan Guggenbühl, violence expert
