Help, my son wants to join the class chat on Whatsapp!

Marianne, 38, distrusts WhatsApp for data protection reasons. A clinch: «What can I do if my son wants to join the class chat but I don't want to use WhatsApp myself?»

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One question - three opinions

I don't want to use Whatsapp for data protection reasons. Now my son, 13, really wants to join the class chat on Whatsapp. Should I stick to my principles and ban him? He says he'll be an outsider in class without Whatsapp. What should I do?

Marianne, 38, Lörrach (D)

This is what our team of experts says:

Nicole Althaus
When both sides are right, it is difficult to mediate. I can understand your concerns and at the same time I have to confirm that your son's fears are justified. Whatsapp is to your son what the village fountain was to your great-grandmother: the place where important information is exchanged and meeting places are arranged, where homework help is provided and gossip is exchanged. Without access to this village fountain, it will be difficult to participate in the social life of the classroom. Allow him to do so. Or suggest that the class switch to the Signal app - this chat platform is safer and doesn't belong to Facebook.
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Peter Schneider
On the one hand, you're probably right (at least as far as I can tell). On the other hand: your son is also right (and with a plausible argument). In order to solve this problem, compromises are needed, and not a principled approach. In this case, this means that you are welcome to explain your arguments to your son, but do not tell him to stay on the sidelines because of your adherence to principle. After all, not only police actions but also principles are subject to the principle of proportionality.
Annette Cina
Young people inform, communicate and socialise via social media. Unfortunately, you can't escape it. But they can and must learn how to use it. The question is what is being spread via the class chat. Allow your son to use WhatsApp for the class chat. However, also agree that you will take the liberty of looking at it again and again. This gives you a certain amount of control and you still have the opportunity to intervene and stop the use again if you realise that content is being exchanged there that you do not want to support.


The team of experts:

  • Annette Cina, 51, works at the Institute for Family Research and Counselling at the University of Freiburg. In her own practice, the psychologist, psychotherapist and mother of three counsels young people and adults. Her research focuses on the prevention of child behavioural disorders, couple conflicts, parenting and stress.
  • Peter Schneider, 66, is a columnist, satirist, psychoanalyst, private lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Zurich and visiting professor for the history and scientific theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.
  • Nicole Althaus, 54, is editor-in-chief of magazines and a member of the editorial board of «NZZ am Sonntag», columnist and author. She initiated and managed the mum blog on tagesanzeiger.ch and was editor-in-chief of «wir eltern». Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children.
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