Help! My neighbour kisses her child on the mouth
Beatrice, 38, Grosshöchstetten BE
What our experts say:
My great-aunt, an Italian woman, used to kiss me on the mouth to greet me, which I found strange as a child. At least until I realised that it was common practice in her family. A kiss on the lips is not an intimacy reserved for lovers in every culture and not in every family, but sometimes just an everyday ritual.
Personally, you may find it strange or too intimate. But as a neighbour, it's simply none of your business. Mentally healthy children usually show their parents quite quickly if they are uncomfortable with this kind of physical contact. They turn their heads away, simply run off with a hasty «goodbye» or tell their parents in no uncertain terms that they are now too big to cuddle or give kisses. It is important that children do not feel pressurised - but this also applies to kissing their grandparents on the cheek.
You are not uptight. But you are making your individual feelings the measure of all things. Why shouldn't things be different in other families than in your own family? Some people kiss each other on the cheek, others on the mouth. That's often the most distressing thing about parenting discussions: the lack of understanding for other people's lives. (Sorry that I have now become even more fundamental myself).
Our experts:
Nicole Althaus, 51, is editor-in-chief of magazines and a member of the editorial board of «NZZ am Sonntag», columnist and author. She initiated and managed the mum blog on tagesanzeiger.ch and was editor-in-chief of «wir eltern». Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children aged 20 and 16.
Stefanie Rietzler is a psychologist, author
(«Geborgen, mutig, frei», «Clever lernen») and runs the Academy for Learning Coaching in Zurich. www.mit-kindern-lernen.ch
Peter Schneider, 62, is a columnist, satirist, psychoanalyst, private lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Zurich and visiting professor for the history and scientific theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.
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