«Help, I don't like my child's nursery school teacher!»

Learning coaches Stefanie Rietzler and Fabian Grolimund answer four specific questions about conflicts between parents, children and teachers. This is how mums and dads can react when problems arise in this three-way constellation.

Image: Adobe Stock

Interview: Claudia Landolt

How important is a good relationship between parents and kindergarten teachers?

Stefanie Rietzler: Children gain a sense of security when they realise that their parents are placing them in the hands of the kindergarten teacher with confidence. Children are very sensitive to their parents' emotions. If they sense fear or aversion to the kindergarten on the part of their parents, it can be much more difficult for them to engage with the kindergarten teacher, but also with the other children and what the kindergarten has to offer.

Fabian Grolimund: As parents, we feel reassured about leaving our children in the hands of others if there is a good basis. When parents and nursery school teachers have a trusting relationship, communication is more open and solutions can be found more quickly and easily in the event of difficulties.

What if the child can't connect with the kindergarten teacher?

Fabian Grolimund : You can expect a kindergarten teacher to be respectful and fair in her dealings with every child. However, you can't force particularly good chemistry between her and the parents. Sometimes the relationship remains distant. I remember a boy who went to my mum's kindergarten. During a walk in the woods, he simply disappeared and she spent two hours looking for him in vain. His parents took it in their stride and said: «Don't worry - he'll come home when he's hungry.» However, my mum was almost sick with fear and insisted that the boy be taken to nursery as soon as he got home. There she told him: «You must never do that again! I love you so much - and I was so scared for you.» He looked down at the floor, embarrassed. Then he said: «I just have a problem ... I don't like you.»

Stefanie Rietzler: Some children are generally reserved in an unfamiliar environment and need a warm-up phase before they can engage with the kindergarten teacher. Some children also have to digest the situation that they have to «share» this caregiver with many other children and that the kindergarten teacher cannot always be available. If you are worried as a parent, it is helpful to ask yourself: Can my child still feel comfortable in kindergarten? Do they have the general confidence to go to the nursery teacher if they are not feeling well? Can they socialise with the other children? If the latter is also not the case, it would be important to talk to the kindergarten teacher and consider what can be done.

What if the child still prefers to stay at home?

Stefanie Rietzler: There are various reasons why children want to stay at home. Sometimes you really have to search for clues to find out what's going on. In some cases, the problem is the relationship with the kindergarten teacher, in others the child doesn't feel comfortable in the group. Some children are not yet ready for kindergarten, others are simply underchallenged. And still others simply find it more exciting at home. Sometimes this is also due to separation anxiety . When things are changing at home, it can be difficult for children to leave their parents alone. The question of what will happen when they are not at home is too pressing.

A kindergarten teacher cannot take into account the educational ideas of 20 parents.

Fabian Grolimund, psychologist

Fabian Grolimund: It makes a big difference whether the child just doesn't feel like it or seems desperate. If the latter is still the case after the familiarisation period, you have to react as parents. Children at this age are often not yet able to say what is bothering them. Sometimes it helps if the child is allowed to take an object from home with them or if a parent stays for a moment at the beginning to ease the transition. In the event of more serious difficulties, support from the school psychologist is helpful.

What happens when parents and nursery school teachers have different ideas about education?

Fabian Grolimund: You should first ask yourself the question: Who has the problem? It's helpful to put your own sensitivities aside and say to yourself: «The nursery school teacher is doing things differently, but not worse, and my child can cope with it.» A kindergarten teacher cannot take into account the educational ideas of 20 parents.

Stefanie Rietzler: A kindergarten teacher is in a different situation to parents. She is responsible for a large group of children and has to ensure that everything runs smoothly. You realise that this isn't easy when you're in charge of a children's birthday party. You start sweating pretty quickly and are probably quick to insist on compliance with certain rules. It is sometimes beneficial to realise this.

Fabian Grolimund: We have great respect for the work of kindergarten teachers and think it's important to remain calm, even if not everything meets our expectations. Even a kindergarten teacher can make mistakes or slip out an unfortunate phrase from time to time. The situation is different when it comes to the well-being of the child: if a kindergarten teacher oversteps boundaries, the parents must protect the child.