«Good is not good enough for my daughter»

Sarah (50) is worried that life is passing her daughter, a hard-working pupil, by. As a precaution, she limits the hours her daughter is allowed to study. We are publishing this report as part of our dossier on burnout in young people.

For a long time, my friends didn't understand what the note on our fridge meant when my daughter started primary school. It had a limit on it - the maximum number of hours Emma was allowed to work for school. My daughter is a perfectionist, so as a mum I had to take unusual measures.
Emma only got top marks at primary school. I was very happy for my daughter, but I never wanted this happiness to be seen as an incentive to achieve even better results. I had other things at heart - such as wanting my daughter to retain her healthy curiosity.

«Top marks never stopped them from working even harder»

So I was sceptical when Emma announced in sixth grade that she wanted to transfer to grammar school. Top grades had never stopped her from trying even harder. It was obvious that this would not get any better at grammar school. Nevertheless, I supported my daughter's wish and practised maths and German grammar with her.
In the Gymi exam, the students had to know about things they hadn't covered in class for a long time. One of my daughter's friends didn't have anyone who could support her in her Gymi preparation course. I took the girl under my wing, which the course leader did not accept. He said that anyone who couldn't learn on their own didn't belong there. That's a travesty: I don't know any child who has passed the exam without support - not even my daughter, despite the sixes in her report card. I find that alarming.

«I don't know any child who passed the Gymi exam without support»

I had barely prepared for the exam 35 years ago and, as a good student, I passed it without any problems. Today, good is no longer good enough. It's all about sifting, and this is made unmistakably clear to the children at grammar school. My daughter learns a lot - no longer as she used to, with curiosity and a thirst for knowledge, now it's all about getting the sheer amount of material into her head.
After the trial period, things have got a little better, but not the way I would like them to be for a 14-year-old. Emma gets too little sleep, has too little time to live, to get to know herself, others and the world. The fact that she has passed her probationary period does little to reassure her; rather, Emma is preoccupied with the risk of slipping into a provisional situation, although her grades in no way indicate this. I'm struck by this: how can learning succeed if the school suggests to the children that they shouldn't think they're safe?
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Online dossier Burnout

Burnout: Wenn Eltern erschöpft und ausgebrannt sind. Doch auch Kinder und Jugendliche sind immer mehr betroffen. Ursachen, Symptome und Wege aus der Krise, lesen Sie in unserem
Burnout: when parents are exhausted and burnt out. But children and young people are also increasingly affected. You can read about the causes, symptoms and ways out of the crisis in our online dossier "Burnout.

Read more:

  • An increasing number of twelve-year-olds are complaining of exhaustion and lack of motivation. What are the reasons? A search for clues.