Cheers to maternal self-doubt
It was a balmy summer night in Tuscany. We were celebrating the Italian wedding of a friend, sitting in tents under chandeliers at a sumptuously laid table with lavish flower arrangements and clinking crystal. During the groom's speech at the table, waiters buzzing around filled the glasses, while those of my almost fourteen-year-old daughter and my eleven-year-old naturally remained empty.
Not quite so natural for her. When the dinner party raised their glasses to clink glasses, my daughter's expectant eyes followed the path of my glass to my lips and from there back to the table, whereupon she held out her hand and asked with another look: «Can I?» She was allowed to, and the little one croaked behind her: «I want to too!»
Up until now, my policy with alcohol and the children was that they were allowed to have a sip when the adults were drinking. I didn't find this problematic as I'm neither a Martini nor a Prosecco mum and hardly ever drink alcohol at home unless I have guests.
But during the holidays, everything is usually a little different, and so it is here. We often had wine at lunchtime and the children always asked for a sip. And here at the wedding, my daughter's look was more than just a request, it was a demand. The son followed her example, which he takes particular pleasure in doing when I think it's a bad idea: If she can, then I can too!
How far can I venture beyond the limit without losing my footing?
Once again, I was faced with all the educational questions to which there is perhaps no clear answer. Should parents strictly forbid their children to drink alcohol in the hope that they will discover the joys of intoxication as late as possible - which they will eventually do anyway? Or is it better to give them controlled access?
This topic particularly affects me. Because although I don't consider myself an addict, I'm not averse to intoxication. And as with intoxication, the question always arises in parenting: how much is enough, what is too much? And where is the limit? Or rather: How far can I venture beyond the limit without losing my footing?
You never know whether you have just saved a child from something or, on the contrary, triggered something that you wanted to prevent.
Setting an example is everything in parenting, and I may be inadequate in many respects. I have at least given my daughter this: the attitude to enjoy everything with moderation, always with an eye on the consequences. And respect, not to say fear of addiction. But how much can parents influence in this respect?
As far as my daughter is concerned, I have few concerns. But my son takes more after me. And I know how often it was probably just luck that I didn't go off the rails. When he loudly demanded his drink at the wedding, I told him: "No, I don't think so today. And took a big gulp from the pool of maternal self-doubt. You never know whether you've just saved a child from something or, on the contrary, triggered something you wanted to prevent.
