Aggressive children - what is normal?

The form of aggressive behaviour that occurs in children is highly age-dependent. Babies as young as six months can express anger, but they do not intend to cause harm. In the second and third year of life, however, tantrums and aggressive behaviour are not uncommon and are often directed specifically at adults and other children. From primary school age onwards, gender-typical patterns in the expression of aggression are visible: boys seem to show more open and physical forms of aggression.

With girls, on the other hand, covert and verbal forms are more common. Examples include lying and spreading rumours, for example to harm or exclude a person.

Aggressive behaviour in children and adolescents

In large-scale studies such as the KiGGS/BELLA study, aggressive behaviour in childhood and adolescence was found in up to eight percent of under 17-year-olds. It manifests itself not only in physical attacks, but also in verbal violence, bullying and theft.

In adolescence, aggressive behaviour is generally less common. In contrast to young children, who express emotions or impulses directly, self-control and inhibitory mechanisms are learnt over the years.

However, aggressive behaviour is often more violent than in early childhood, due to increasing physical strength, more freedom outside the home and greater financial resources. Accordingly, the highest frequency of aggressive behaviour occurs at pre-school age, but the most serious manifestations occur in adolescence and early adulthood.

Around half of children who display strong oppositional behaviour develop a social behaviour disorder. If a child shows patterns of aggression at a very young age, it often retains them and runs the risk of becoming delinquent.

Aggressive behaviour can also be an expression of fear and insecurity.

If the criminally conspicuous behaviour occurs at an early age, for example at the age of 14, the probability of permanent criminal behaviour increases. However, oppositional behaviour is a typical feature of early childhood (age of defiance) and adolescence.

A diagnosis in the sense of a behavioural disorder is therefore only considered if aggression occurs more frequently and with more serious consequences than in other children and would be appropriate for the child's stage of development. The behaviour must occur over a period of six months and drastically affect family, social or school life.

Aggressive behaviour can have many reasons

There are many causes of aggressive behaviour in children. These must be analysed on a case-by-case basis. The classic intention of aggression is described as selfishly asserting one's own needs and deliberately harming and injuring others.

However, aggressive behaviour can also be an expression of fear and insecurity. These children feel threatened and attacked more quickly than others. They act out of their own defensive behaviour due to social insecurity. As a result, these children are more likely to perceive threats and react oversensitively.

Threatening situations trigger an inner feeling of tension, and an outburst of anger is intended to relieve this tension. Affected children seem to doubt the affection of those around them and often expect excessive social recognition.

Aggressive behaviour thus becomes a means of gaining respect. This works particularly well if the environment responds with respect, fear or even submissiveness. The more often social anxiety is resolved with aggressive behaviour, the more stable the pattern of acting aggressively in the future becomes.

Children are more prone to aggressive behaviour in crises

Another possible trigger for aggressive behaviour can be a crisis in the child's social environment, for example conflicts in the parents' relationship or stress in the family. This does not mean that all partnership conflicts or stress will cause a child to become aggressive. However, it has been established that children in family crises are more prone to aggressive behaviour. Families in stressful situations are particularly at risk, as severe stress affects the parenting behaviour and capacity of the parents.

If the parents themselves sometimes display aggressive behaviour, this is very likely to be adopted by the child, even if the situations are different or the aggression is not directed at the child but at adults.

A vicious circle of aggression and unpopularity can develop.

Other causes include neglect and abuse, but sometimes also a change in living situation, such as moving to a new city and changing schools. Genetic factors also play a role. Children with aggressive behaviour usually show a lack of impulse control and low frustration tolerance. Children with ADHD have a higher risk of oppositional defiant behaviour. For example, two out of three children with hyperkinetic disorder also display aggressive behaviour.

In addition, impulsive adolescents seem to learn less quickly from their experiences and are less able to assess consequences. The child quickly becomes a disruptive element in their social environment and is perceived as aggressive and uncontrollable. It is not uncommon for the child to be less popular as a result and become a victim of aggressive behaviour themselves. A vicious circle of aggression and unpopularity can develop.

From the children's perspective, their parents, teachers and other children are usually to blame for their behaviour. They themselves often judge their behaviour as non-aggressive. However, mums and dads find it challenging to spend time with these children and to build a positive relationship with them.

Another vicious circle: intense children with demanding behaviour make for stressed and/or overworked parents. Once this point is reached, it becomes difficult to respond sensitively to the child, always react appropriately and remain emotionally available. Children sense such changes. They often try to gain emotional attention through provocation.

In the long term, aggressive behaviour in children restricts their behaviour and prevents them from developing the ability to solve a problem without conflict. It is recommended that extreme behaviour is discussed with a specialist as early as possible. Aggressive children have a high risk of being rejected by their peers and of failing at school.

Talk to your child

An external person can often help - a counsellor, psychologist or other specialist can see through the vicious circle and help you to behave correctly in the event of provocation. Also talk to your child's teacher! They see your child for a large part of the day and can provide important information about situations in which the behaviour occurs or about suspected influencing factors.

It is important that parents practise with their child how to resolve conflicts differently. Consistent reactions and interventions are important here. Helping them to find alternative ways of dealing with conflicts and praising them as well as setting an example are promising, as children are often not really happy with their own reactions.

Asking the child what it needs and identifying underlying problems provides information about possible solutions. It is therefore essential to involve the child.