«A secure bond strengthens mental health»
Mr Daum, what occupies a six-year-old child from a developmental psychology perspective?
His thinking is no longer focussed on simple personal preferences, but has become more complex. His world has opened up. The child now knows that there are different perspectives and realities and can empathise with other people. They have a so-called «theory of mind», a sophisticated cognitive ability.
What's so special about it?
It means the ability to surmise and understand the feelings, needs, ideas, intentions, expectations and opinions of others. Knowing that there are other realities in addition to one's own concept of representation.
When does a child have this ability?
On an explicit level at the age of four to five. There are precursors even earlier, at one and a half or two years of age.
How important is this ability for later development?
Studies show that children who are able to empathise with others are somewhat faster in their language development and in relation to other inner states such as emotions, feelings and intentions.
What factors influence this development?
This is a whole range of different aspects. For example, the fact that children always have to put themselves in other people's shoes. Another important basis is the relationship experience, the relationship with the parents or caregiver.
In what way?
Young children do not yet have a well-developed ability to self-regulate, but need so-called co-regulators, for example their parents. As a one-year-old child, when I am scared or something hurts me, it is important that someone is there to respond to my needs and fears consistently, adequately and promptly. If this is always the case, it leads to a feeling of security. As I get older, the solution strategies become more and more internalised so that I can increasingly help myself.
Why is bonding so important?
If I can rely on a person, I feel safe and can discover the world on the basis of this positive attitude. A secure attachment is a long-term protective factor for mental health. With a good attachment, for example, there is less likelihood of developing a mental illness in adult life. Attachment behaviour also has a social context. If I have good attachment behaviour, this influences how I can approach others, how empathetic I am, how I can put myself in their shoes and help them.
Can a kindergarten child do that?
This is a process that begins long before kindergarten age and needs support. Children need someone to help them when they find themselves in situations they are not familiar with. The young child uses social referencing to obtain information from the parents in order to plan or adapt their own behaviour.
Human behaviour and development are always characterised by an interplay between the environment and genetics.
In kindergarten, the number of people who act as role models increases, but parents remain the most important source of information. Due to the lack of diversity, the behaviour of parents at this age is more or less law. In both positive and negative ways. Having a good bond with my caregivers is crucial for so-called self-regulation.
Why?
Self-regulation is part of the so-called executive functions, i.e. the mental abilities that enable us humans to think and act according to plan and help us to keep ourselves under control. Good self-regulation at school, for example, means that a child can concentrate better, even if someone is sitting next to them or there is noise. This ability leads to a more disciplined approach to work, which in turn leads to a whole range of other benefits, higher education, other career opportunities and overall higher socio-economic status.
What is the connection between attachment and self-regulation?
Securely attached children have a positive inner working model, better emotional expression, greater competence and fewer financial worries later on. A lack of self-regulation can therefore also have substantial personal and economic consequences.
Can self-regulation be trained or is it a question of genes?
Both! Human behaviour and development are always characterised by an interplay between the environment and genetics. However, self-regulation and executive functions are very complex cognitive abilities. Promising training must therefore reflect this complexity, and that is not easy. Each individual cognitive function would have to be trained, first on its own, then in context and finally in an individual context. Such a training programme would be enormously time-consuming.
The more you talk to your child, show them things and interact with them, the better their language skills will develop.
Does self-regulation play a role in whether a child likes going to school?
Well, there comes a time when every child doesn't like going to school. But you can be reluctant or very reluctant to go to school. This small difference may mean that although I don't feel like it, I still do my homework. Anyone who is permanently reluctant or very reluctant to go to school has a different starting position despite having the same skills.
Does the parental home influence enjoyment of school?
Attitudes towards school and teachers can be influenced by parents in particular. If I hear at home that school is «stupid» and the teacher is «incompetent», then as a child I go to school with a corresponding attitude. In this case, the children do not have the chance to have an unbiased, positive experience.
Do children from privileged homes have an advantage?
There is a substantial correlation between school performance and socio-economic status. This can be seen, for example, in the so-called «30 Million Word Gap» study from the USA.
What does it say?
US researchers Betty Hart and Todd Risley have attempted to quantify the linguistic home advantage of educated middle-class children . They observed families from different backgrounds and counted the number of words spoken by their children over a period of months. In the end, they called their study «The Early Catastrophe».
45 million words - that's how many words wealthy and well-cared-for children hear in their first four years. Less privileged children, on the other hand, only hear 10 to 13 million words during this period. This is also reflected in their own vocabulary. A child from a higher class knows around 1000 words at the age of three, a child from a lower class only half that. No school in the world can even come close to closing this gap later on - no matter how hard the teachers try.
I think the tendency to over-schedule children's lives is wrong.
Can parents help?
The «30 Million Word Gap» can in fact be modulated by the behaviour of the parents. The more you talk to your child, show them things and interact with them, the better their language skills will develop. This means that even if I may have a simple school-leaving certificate, I can still talk to my child as much as possible. This has a positive effect on language development.
Why is language so important?
Our entire school system is based on language. If I'm good at maths but don't understand the text problems or take a long time to read them , I might get a lower grade than someone who may not be a maths genius but can read and understand well. In other words, if I understand language well and can express myself well, this is an important basis for my success at school.
What do you think of early intervention?
There is a very fine line between supporting and over-supporting and demanding and over-challenging. I think the tendency to over-schedule children's lives is wrong. Children want to and should be encouraged and challenged, but at the same time they need space and some downtime. It is very difficult to judge what is enough and what is too much for your child.
How many hobbies should a child have?
A child who needs a lot of input has nothing against going to football training, swimming training and learning the piano. Another child may be overwhelmed. You can't just say that a child has to play an instrument and do a sport. This formula does not apply to all children.
Boredom helps children learn how to occupy themselves, create their own ideas and develop their imagination.
How do you recognise what is right and what is too much?
By being close to the child, recognising its strengths and weaknesses and being sensitive to what it needs. And by involving them in decisions and having the courage to say after six months: it's too much. Two things are important here: on the one hand, that the child enjoys the hobby, but also shows the will to persevere and doesn't give up straight away if they don't feel like it. On the other hand, parents must always ask themselves whether a hobby is the child's wish or their own.
How important are peers?
The opportunity to interact with peers and perhaps also to compete is hugely important. Children are social beings; they construct their thinking through interaction with their environment. A child must therefore have many opportunities to explore the world and its environment.
How should you deal with boredom?
Boredom is important, but sometimes difficult for parents to bear. There is a tendency to try to neutralise the boredom expressed by constantly making new offers. If, on the other hand, you put up with your child's boredom, you are doing them a good turn. It helps children to learn how to occupy themselves, create their own ideas and develop their imagination. In the case described, helping children to help themselves could look like this: «Why don't you try this out? I'll get to it later.»
How important is experiencing nature?
The richer a childhood is in terms of experiences, the better. A child can very well lose themselves in a book or acquire skills with a game. But this also includes going outside. Playing with dirt, trees and water can be a very rich experience. Overall, it needs variety, not extremes.
The biggest mistake parents can make now is not recognising their child's abilities.
What is your top tip for parents of kindergarten children?
Don't underestimate your child! Five to six-year-olds think a lot, they no longer simply follow the rules of the big world, but demand plausible explanations. Parents need to be prepared to explain more to their children. They also need to be prepared for more discussions.
The biggest mistake parents can make now is not recognising their child's abilities, putting them into a category and inhibiting their development. You have to be aware of this: In terms of developmental psychology, the essential foundation for later personality is laid in these two years of kindergarten. It is an incredibly exciting time.
