A reprimand for snooping?

A father accidentally discovers a picture of his teenager in a provocative pose on his laptop. What should he do now? That's what our team of experts says.

Image: Pexels

One question - three opinions

Recently, I was doing laundry in my 16-year-old daughter's room while she was in the bathroom. My eyes fell on her open laptop and a photo of her in a provocative pose, dressed only in her underwear. I found a series of other pictures like this in a folder. I have violated my daughter's privacy and I feel bad. At the same time, I'm very worried. What should I do?

Peter, 50, Amriswil TG

This is what our team of experts says:


Annette Cina
Sometimes we hear or see things that are not meant for us. With this knowledge, we are involved in what is happening and cannot pretend that it is none of our business. So speak to your daughter. Introduce the fact that you have seen the picture on the laptop. Say what is worrying you, avoid accusations. Ask her what she is doing with the pictures. Maybe she will open up, maybe not. It's not about mistakes, but about making her feel that she is important to you. It makes little sense to confess to rummaging through your laptop. This is not the main thing and would only cause your daughter to close herself off.
Peter Schneider
Privacy or not, your concerns are justified and take precedence. How big they should be remains to be seen. You probably have no choice but to admit to and justify your snooping. The good arguments are on your side. Who did she send these pictures to? Where did she publish them? Why did she do it? Explain to her the dangers of her permissiveness and don't allow yourself to be led down any side tracks - about privacy and so on. She has already done them a disservice with her photos.
Nicole Althaus
What you should always do when you violate someone's privacy: apologise. Tell your daughter that you found a portrait of her in her underwear on her laptop, that you are sorry and that it was not your intention to snoop on her. Make it clear to her that you have nothing against her staging her body and trying out her effect. But that you are still worried. The creation and purpose of the portrait series is probably a harmless puberty game. Nevertheless, it can't hurt if you talk to her about the danger of misusing digital images.


The team of experts:

  • Annette Cina, 51, works at the Institute for Family Research and Counselling at the University of Freiburg. In her own practice, the psychologist, psychotherapist and mother of three counsels young people and adults. Her research focuses on the prevention of child behavioural disorders, couple conflicts, parenting and stress.
  • Peter Schneider, 62, is a columnist, satirist, psychoanalyst, private lecturer in clinical psychology at the University of Zurich and visiting professor for the history and scientific theory of psychoanalysis in Berlin.
  • Nicole Althaus, 51, is editor-in-chief of magazines and a member of the editorial board of «NZZ am Sonntag», columnist and author. She initiated and managed the mum blog on tagesanzeiger.ch and was editor-in-chief of «wir eltern». Nicole Althaus is the mother of two children aged 20 and 16.
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