Gaby Staehli, 38, a childminder, leader of a parent-and-child group and primary school music teacher, and Ruedi, 40, a vicar, live in Windisch, Aargau, with Lorena, 12, Dario, 10, and Micha, 9.
Gaby: «Ruedi and I grew up without mobile phones. We thought it was brilliant. For our children, we hope that, for as long as possible, they'll prefer to be outdoors in nature and spend time with each other rather than getting lost in the digital world. They should learn to cope with boredom and frustration. It's hard when you have a mobile phone – I notice that myself. It's just so easy to get distracted by it.»
Ruedi: «There's so much for children to learn – from motor skills and language to social skills. There'll be time for a mobile phone later on.»
Gaby: «And yet Lorena is still going to get her own mobile phone for her 13th birthday and when she starts secondary school. I would have preferred to wait a bit longer. Between the ages of 13 and 16, there are so many other issues that keep a family busy. And now the mobile phone is added to the mix and takes up a great deal of our time. But at some point, the pressure from outside just keeps getting greater.»
Lorena: «My friends and I can text each other using our mums» mobiles, but it's a bit of a faff. It's much better when everyone has their own mobile.’
I know families where you have to ask your aunt or godfather for permission to spend more time on your mobile. I find that fascinating.
Gaby, mum
Ruedi: «You also learn to organise yourself and become more independent. I do think it's important to support that at some point.»
Gaby: «At the same time, we could also make a firm arrangement at school to ring each other on the landline or just pop round.»
One tablet for everyone
Dario: «It still works fine for me and my friends because lots of them live nearby. But even in my class, more than half of us already have our own mobile phones. Most of them use them for gaming. We can do that on the tablet.»
Lorena: “But it's meant for the whole family. If my brothers are using it and I want to listen to music on it, that's a bit of a pain. Or recently, I was away on a rehearsal weekend. Almost everyone had a mobile with them and was on it during their free time. So I had to find something else to do. Situations like that are a bit of a nuisance.”
Gaby: «But I'm really glad you've got lots of hobbies and don't have that much time left to use digital devices. Let's see how things go with you having your own mobile.»
Sundays are screen-free
Ruedi: «We'll certainly be spending a lot of time supporting them at the start. Rules such as no mobile phones at mealtimes or in the bedroom have been in place for everyone in our family for quite some time now. At a family meeting, we also introduced time limits for media use – that is, for playing games on tablets, listening to audiobooks and watching television. Sundays are screen-free.»
Gaby: «I know families where, if you want more mobile phone time or permission to play a game, you don't have to ask your parents, but your aunt or godfather. I find that interesting because it can reduce family conflicts in everyday life and means the burden doesn't all fall on the parents. As for Lorena, there'll definitely be no TikTok or Instagram for the time being – I don't think much of them at all! You end up spending far too much time on them without being able to control it. And children's brains are still developing so rapidly.»
Ruedi: «I used Instagram myself for a while, but it kept me from doing too many other things. I don't have it any more. Perhaps it would also help if we showed our children that you can get by just fine without things like that.»
