Why should couples share family and paid work equally?

A family neighbourhood on the outskirts of Lucerne. Children play, cycle and scoot between the well-kept new houses. There are benches for the parents. Margret Bürgisser and her husband live on the top floor of one of these houses. She can watch the children from her roof terrace. «It's nice that families have so much space here,» says the sociologist, and: «Shall we have the conversation outside or in the living room? I'll take my cue from you.»

Margret Bürgisser, you have found the solution to a problem that concerns many mothers and fathers. How can work and family life be better reconciled?

I would not describe my study results as a panacea for every man and every woman. But yes, according to my surveys, the «egalitarian» or partnership-based role model is proving to be a way of achieving a better work-life balance and a high quality of life for the whole family.

They interviewed 28 couples from German-speaking Switzerland three times at intervals of around ten years about their role sharing.

When I began my research in 1993, there were very few couples living such a family model. In order to ensure that fathers were substantially involved in childcare and housework, I deliberately chose those couples in which the men worked 50, 60 or a maximum of 70 per cent of the time. Today, I would define the egalitarian model more openly.

And how?

By egalitarian role sharing, I mean a division of labour between mother and father who work a similar part-time workload and share equal responsibility for work, childcare and housework.

In September, your book will be published: «Partnership-based role sharing - a model for success», the quintessence of your findings. You want to encourage young parents to adopt this model. What are the advantages?

Sharing roles as partners offers parents the opportunity to both pursue their careers and participate in the development of their children. And it ensures that housework - the unloved stepchild - is shared between both partners. If the responsibility for gainful employment rests on two shoulders, the risk of securing a livelihood is also shared.

That sounds like a dream. In practice, however, mothers in particular complain that they sometimes wear themselves out to the point of exhaustion between work and family.

I suspect that this feeling of inadequacy is very common in the first family phase, when the children are small. There's always something missing somewhere. As a young mother or father, you only have limited options - regardless of the family model. But if the mother stays at home to fulfil an ideal, even though she actually has other ambitions, this can also trigger feelings of «inadequacy» in her.

In my opinion, the problem also lies in the fact that most couples often don't really share the roles despite the woman working. The father continues to work 100 per cent and the mother continues to bear the main responsibility at home alongside her 50 per cent workload.

Couples with a youngest child under the age of three work roughly the same amount in Switzerland, namely 71.7 hours per week for women and 71.4 hours per week for men. This is the sum of gainful employment, childcare and housework. The difference between the sexes lies in the fact that the majority of men's work is paid employment and women's is unpaid family work. Understandably, women still feel that the majority of the coordination of childcare and housework lies with them.

So the woman is something like the logistical control centre of the family?

Exactly. That's why I agree with you when you say that more family work falls to the mother than the father. But it depends on the workload. If men and women work a similar amount, the division of roles is equalised in practice. If a father is responsible for everything at home (at least!) one day a week, from cooking and washing to childcare, he feels equally responsible for the domestic, family sphere.

«Couples who develop together have more stable relationships than other couples.»

Margret Bürgisser, sociologist

But in this case, it's not just one partner who falls short of their professional potential, but both.

The majority of the couples I interviewed emphasised that a career was not their main priority. Don't get me wrong: some of them are highly qualified professionals who described themselves as performance- and career-orientated. However, the balance between family and career was always important to them. Many couples also emphasised that when the children were small, they consciously gave up some things. For them, it was primarily about the quality of their life together and not about money and career. I have also noticed that couples who develop together have more stable relationships than other couples. The divorce rate of egalitarian couples is below the Swiss average.

So renunciation is a key concept for these families?

In the sense of sacrificing money and status, yes. Not in the sense of further professional development. It is significant that a large proportion of the study participants increased their workload at a later stage and a quarter were even able to pursue a career. The partnership-based family model therefore does not rule out a - delayed - professional career.

But I don't imagine it's easy either: You have this agreement and then you get a great job offer. Can these relationships withstand something like that?

That doesn't have to be a relationship killer, as long as you negotiate it well with each other. For example, a couple took part in my study who ran a graphics agency together until the woman was offered a management position in a publishing house. Her husband advised her to take the opportunity and the whole thing developed well. However, her children were already older. In situations like this, it's important that no one has the impression that the other person is living at their expense.

You just mentioned it: Your study participants were qualified to highly qualified specialists. What conditions are needed for the model to work?

First of all, both partners need to be willing to live this division of roles, as well as a high degree of organisational, negotiation and conflict resolution skills. You also have to be able to accept it if your partner has slightly different ideas about bringing up children and keeping order. The fair division of housework has also been a constant bone of contention for some couples. In addition, roles need to be constantly redefined: How are we doing as a couple right now? As a family? What about my needs, what about yours? Is it still right for us? This can be exhausting at times, but it keeps the relationship alive in the long term. We stay in dialogue.

What economic factors play a role?

It is very difficult for low-income earners to live like this, as both partners often have to work full-time to secure their livelihood. A part-time workload is hardly possible in such cases. This is only possible for couples where both partners earn a fairly good wage. It is also difficult for the self-employed, who have to be highly present for their customers, and in sectors where there is little willingness to allow part-time work. But demand is increasing! In 2013, the Federal Statistical Office asked young people about their preferred employment model. The majority of respondents favoured the partnership model with part-time work on both sides.

But the reality is different for many. As soon as the baby is born, many couples find themselves in an almost classic role model. Why is that?

That's a good question. Perhaps because many young men still think they have to make a career quickly and without fail. Or because employers are not accommodating enough when it comes to part-time work. Or because men still don't have the courage to speak up in favour of reducing their workload. The type of career man who is prepared to put in an above-average performance at work is still the ideal male image that men emulate. Many men lack the courage to say: as long as the children don't go to school, I will work 80 per cent or even less.

Sharing roles as partners would also mean that some women would have to increase their workloads or at least hand over domestic responsibilities to their fathers. And not all mothers are prepared to do this - because they want to spend time with the children or because they also find it quite nice at home...

... then let them do it that way. I'm in favour of people realising what they want. If this model works for all family members, then that's also a solution. I'm convinced of the partnership model - under certain conditions - but I'm not a missionary who wants to impose it on everyone.

Statistically speaking, the egalitarian role model has been stagnating in the low percentage range for years.

This is true, and not least for political reasons. There is a lack of effective support measures. The Gender Equality Act, which came into force in 1996, is aimed almost exclusively at gender equality measures in the labour market.

«From 2019, financial aid will no longer be paid to women's counselling and re-entry centres.»

Margret Bürgisser criticises Swiss gender equality policy.

Which sounds sensible.

But it is very one-sided. Previously, selected specialist centres were supported in advising mothers and fathers on reconciling work and family life. In 2016, however, the Federal Council decided to no longer provide financial support to women's counselling and return-to-work centres from 2019. This means that if young couples want to receive counselling, they will have to pay for this service themselves in future. From 2019, only company-related projects that serve to integrate women into the labour market and promote gender equality in working life will be able to benefit from financial aid. Gender equality policy will thus effectively be placed at the service of economic policy.

What do you think is needed to enable more couples to share roles equally?

Various measures can be taken to pave the way for fathers to take on family work. One of these is the promotion of part-time work - also for men in demanding positions. Another opportunity would be paternity or parental leave or a «parental allowance» - similar to the German model. The discussion about the future of the family should also be guided less by economic interests and cost-benefit considerations. Instead, it should focus on the question: What framework conditions do parents and children need in today's world in order to lead a fulfilled life in safety and security?

You don't have any children yourself. Would you have chosen the partnership model if you had started a family?

Yes, I would have liked that. I advocate that when couples become parents, they should put the child's well-being at the centre - just like my study participants did. But that doesn't mean giving up professional challenges and fulfilment.

In your last survey, the now grown-up children also had their say. What do they think of their parents' life model?

Mostly very positive. And when asked which qualities they admire in their parents, they mentioned qualities other than those typically associated with their gender. For example, mothers are particularly valued for their assertiveness, power and determination, while fathers are admired for their social skills, calmness and balance. I find that very exciting, as well as the fact that three quarters of all respondents would like to do the same as their parents once they have children. That clearly speaks in favour of this model.

Read more on the topic of equal rights:

• Wie klappt Gleichberechtigung? Indem man Verantwortung und nicht einfach Aufgaben aufteilt.