Why I didn't like going to school - and still became a teacher

Many teachers want children to leave their souls at home and only bring their heads to school, as the Danish family therapist Jesper Juul once aptly put it. But for children to learn, they need teachers who build relationships based on empathy and mutual respect.

As a bright left-handed girl in the 80s, it wasn't easy for me to pass, as it seemed to me that writing beautifully was one of the most essential things at school. In general, I had the impression that I wasn't really suited to school and was out of place most of the time.

Why did I still choose teaching? During my apprenticeship as a railway operations secretary, I discovered that learning can be fun, at least once in a while. For one thing, there was Mr Perpignano, who returned my German essay to me with shining eyes and praised me. Finally someone who had confidence in me! Secondly, learning made sense to me for the first time. I had chosen this path myself and a lot of what I learnt helped me to manage my career path and to start studying to become a teacher after my apprenticeship.

"Relationship skills are a pedagogical art that a teacher must master." Petra Gächter was a primary school teacher for 24 years and currently works as a head teacher, management consultant and coach. She is the mother of four school-age teenagers and lives in St. Gallen.
Petra Gächter was a primary school teacher for 24 years and currently works as a head teacher, management consultant and coach. She is the mother of four school-age teenagers and lives in St. Gallen.

Relationship skills are a pedagogical art that a teacher must master.

I never regretted this step. School and education became my purpose in life. The people in and around the school still fascinate me today. Over the years, I have learnt an enormous amount from the pupils, the main players in the school - but also from parents, authorities and colleagues. If they are picked up and supported, then learning almost becomes a matter of course.

In all my years in the education service, I always asked my colleagues, members of the authorities and parents whether they enjoyed going to school. The feedback was very revealing: the vast majority of teachers were motivated, well-judged and happy pupils. From the parents' accounts, I repeatedly learnt interesting correlations that helped me in my work with parents and also in dealing with the child. Various traumas, fears and negative experiences are often transferred to one's own children and put a strain on co-operation with those involved in the school.

Mr Perpignano gave me back my German essay with shining eyes and praised me. Finally someone who had confidence in me!

Thanks to Jesper Juul, I came across «professional-personal development». We now know that even the smallest adjustments to teacher behaviour can be very effective. This enables children to learn on all levels: personal, academic and emotional. Or as Juul puts it: «It's not about changing the child's behaviour, it's about us adults changing our behaviour.» Tackling and pushing our own personal development has to do with serious professionalism.

Another exciting aspect of the school's relationship work seems to me to be «personal authority»: if we succeed in bringing our own person into the relationship, then the traditional authority (I teacher - you child!) is replaced by personal authority. This means that relationships are built on mutual respect and empathy through authenticity.

Learning to talk to children instead of lecturing them

That's why I'm calling for teachers' training to focus more on relationship skills. «The reality is that not all teachers know how to build fruitful relationships with learners,» Juul points out. I always find it astonishing how teachers know how to ask questions and instruct children. But they don't know how to talk to and with them. Teachers also need to learn how to have «real» conversations with children and young people. «Teachers don't want to be involved in children's lives, they just want to teach them. So they want the children to leave their souls at home and only bring their heads to school. But children bring their whole existence to school.» This is another quote from Jesper Juul that summarises my observations, with the comment that fortunately this does not apply to all teachers.

I have lost my heart to this topic. There is still so much to tell, to ask and to initiate. Student councils, parent work, parent-teacher dialogues, etc. are just a few of the areas that I consider so important.

Parents' negative experiences and fears are often passed on to their own children and put a strain on co-operation.

And what happened to the Petra who didn't like going to school? A Petra who learnt to be passionate about school thanks to the (too) few teachers who were relationally competent, respectful, supportive, demanding and authentic. A Petra who shows understanding for every little and big person who has difficulties with the institution of school and who does everything she can to ensure that the learners receive the attention they deserve - above all through relationship work and relationship skills.

Relationship skills are a value and an aspiration: a pedagogical art that a teacher must master. So let's invest in relationship work. Our key players will thank us and enjoy going to school and welcoming learning into their lives!

This text has been slightly abridged and first appeared in the book «Schule 21 macht glücklich». The book by the Swiss Association of Headteachers VSLCH is packed with practical examples from everyday school life and with ideas and visions from headteachers. It explores the question of what schools can do in the 21st century to contribute to a happy, healthy and self-determined life: for children, parents, teachers, school leaders and society.

Further information and a reading sample at www.schule21.shop

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