Why does my daughter keep taking selfies?

Many parents react with incomprehension when their child constantly takes photos of themselves. However, it is important to understand why they do this - it is about much more than just staging themselves.

Many parents don't understand why their children are constantly taking photos of themselves. They see the desire to take selfies as a compulsion that seems vain and superfluous to them. Yet children develop a special relationship with cameras and mobile phone photos at a very early age because they are confronted with the medium shortly after birth. Proud parents take their first snapshots of the newborn, then this liaison continues throughout the first years of childhood: fathers and mothers take photos of their little ones in countless situations.
As soon as children realise that they will be in the spotlight in a photo, they try out different postures and facial features. Naturally, they want to see the results immediately. This is fuelled by curiosity: what do I look like, what kind of face am I making? Behind this, in turn, lies the fundamental question: Who am I?
This also remains the central question later in the selfie. There is a good reason why we are all fascinated by photos and selfies. It's similar to looking in the mirror: people can't see themselves as they really are, but only in a moment or detail that lacks any naturalness. And so, from holiday photos to passport photos, we live with the compromise of staging.

For children and young people
the smartphone with its
selfie function is one of the most important companions.

The selfie genre is not really a new phenomenon. Even before the invention of the smartphone, we were already taking self-portraits or having them taken. If the film for the camera and developing the images hadn't been so expensive, there would certainly be far more self-portraits today. That's why the good old passport photo booth was invaluable back then and is still a cult favourite among young people today. The difference of the selfie in the internet age lies in its effortless recording technology and distribution via Instagram, Whatsapp etc. For children and young people, the smartphone with its selfie function is one of the most important companions during adolescence.

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If they take photos of themselves over a longer period of time, they can recognise their changes in physique and physiognomy in fine detail. Above all, however, the photo function is a gigantic playground that is great fun. Young people can have a go here. They try out the different poses: sometimes funny, sometimes cool, sometimes daring, sometimes dressed up or over the top. It takes courage to present these self-portrayals to a wider public.

Am I attractive?

The «Who am I?» is now joined by "What do others think of me? Am I attractive? Am I liked? Of course, many girls emulate their role models on Instagram, but they mainly compare themselves to their peers on the platform and when their friends compliment them in the comment bar with lots of red hearts like «You're pretty» or «You're beautiful», it's like an invisible bond between them: they recognise each other's staging.

Role models in the media
increase pressure on young people and children.

Girls put on make-up and stage themselves in such a way that a stranger can no longer recognise whether they are 12 or 20 years old. Many adults reduce the selfie to pure self-expression and panting for recognition. But there is a deeper motive.

Please close your eyes for a moment and imagine what you looked like when you were 13. Who would want to go back there? The thought of that earlier self immediately brings up the old anxious feeling - and we remember how complicated that age was. At 13, you're no longer a child, but you're not yet a teenager either. What's more, children are immediately recognisable as children in the real world. There is this typical undignified situation at the bakery when the shop assistant favours adult customers over children.
The visibility of being a child can be overcome on the internet through staging and selfies. We would all have done this ourselves if this technology had been available when we were young. But selfies also have disadvantages. The pressure on young people increases due to the role models from television and social networks. They bow much more to the dictates of the body cult. This is because selfies and staging increase the importance of outward appearance.

Girls put on make-up and stage themselves in such a way that a stranger cannot recognise whether they are 12 or 20.

This is followed by other pressures such as having to keep up with others. If there is no recognition from the peer group, this triggers very bad feelings and even despair. Worse still, if malicious comments make the rounds, the situation very quickly develops the negative dynamic of cyberbullying.
This is particularly paradoxical because, among other things, young people take photos of themselves in order to maintain control over their self-image. But in the internet pool, there is no control over what friends, acquaintances and strangers make of them. A particularly bad example of this is sexting pictures, i.e. when boys send pictures of their penis or girls send pictures of their breasts.

The mobile phone - a treasure chest

Developing educational measures is tricky when it comes to selfies. On the one hand, young people in particular don't want to be talked into it and see any interference as an invasion of their privacy. We should respect this as much as possible. On the other hand, we must not remain inactive due to the lurking dangers. We have to weigh things up: Where do we really want to protect our children and where do we just want to control them?

If children are of selfie age, we should always talk to them about the risks and how we can protect ourselves. Above all, however, it depends on our understanding. The countless photos and selfies on children's devices are not just collections of photos, but their story, which they carry with them all the time. That's why they immediately blow up when we take their smartphone away. It's not just a device, but a treasure trove of their current self, filled with pictures, texts and messages.

Selfies - parents should ...

  • learn to better understand why their children take selfies,
  • find the balance between protection and pure control,
  • Talk to children about how important ratings (likes) are and should be,
  • make sure that their children do not post any revealing pictures,
  • make it clear to their children which images could harm them online.

About the author:

Thomas Feibel, 56, is the leading journalist on the subject of «children and new media» in
Germany. The media expert runs the Office for Children's Media in Berlin, gives readings and lectures, and organises workshops and seminars.
His most recent book for parents, «Jetzt pack doch mal das Handy weg», was published by Ullstein-Verlag. Feibel is married and has four children.

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