Why are parents so stuffy?

Sometimes you also think about unimportant questions - especially when you are talking to your childless friends. One of these questions is: Why does bourgeoisness occur in families as surely as corruption in Congo? In mum blogs and mum forums, there is always a heated debate about what is bourgeois. Some consider the fear of stuffiness to be stuffy, others the spasmodic individualism or owning a house, two cars, a family and a dog. But I think stuffiness is what necessarily happens when you start a family.

In other words, in my eyes, stuffiness is nothing other than the antithesis of the youthful spirit. It usually sails under the flag of non-conformity, throws off as much ballast from its childhood as possible in search of itself and its possibilities, strives for a life in freedom, without roots and, if possible, without a fixed abode. To be unbound, to carry chaos within oneself, to fight for utopias without worrying about details such as practical realisability - all this is a privilege of youth. Or at least it should be, even if today's young people are sometimes more stuffy than their parents.

You have a regular job, prepare three meals a day, go to bed early and go for Sunday walks. And you don't even think that's bad.

However, the mission of youth rapidly loses momentum once there are children. And before you know it, you enter the harbour of adulthood without having passed through any customs. You have a regular job, prepare three meals a day, go to bed early and go for Sunday walks. And you don't even think it's bad. Because there is also the other side: the realisation that time not only has an undeniable direction, but also more depth than ever thought. That roots are a good thing, even preferable to eternal free-floating. Of course, you shouldn't deny your youthful dreams when you have a family. But now you have the opportunity to realise them a little more realistically.

Of course, I can still settle anywhere in the world today. But I am no longer a single flower that finds a new home in a colourful meadow. Now I bring a whole flower bush with me. You can repot it, but I stay in the same soil. Contrary to the generally negative image of stuffiness, that's an incredibly comforting thought.
© Tages-Anzeiger/Mamablog

About the author
Michèle Binswanger is a philosopher, journalist and author. She writes on social issues, is the mother of two children and lives in Basel. She writes regular columns for the Swiss parents' magazine Fritz+Fränzi. Subscribe to our newsletter now.