When the daughter wants to go out
Steffi: I know what you do in the «Uusgang». Standing around, discussing where to go next, being chatted up by strangers, dancing a bit, drinking a bit and getting upset that the underwired bra is so damn uncomfortable.
Still, I wonder why I find it so difficult to be the «cool mum» when Mia wants to go out. Even if comparisons are stupid: I did go to parties when I was 16, but ... at parties at my friends' houses, where there was lukewarm beer and a few joke phones. Until someone made out with the wrong person and then everyone suddenly had to go home.
I have the feeling that Mia has skipped this «usgang warm-up»: From not leaving at all straight to «We're sharing an Uber home after the club». And no, I don't really think it's cool. But we let her do it because she's never given us a reason not to trust her.
Mia and Steffi Hidber write here at regular intervals about topics that occupy them in their everyday mother-daughter life.
Mia: I'm determined to see my friends from school often despite my education. And as we're already 16, we meet up at bigger parties in the city at the weekend.
For me, going out means dancing a lot, having fun, being flirted with and having a drink or two*. I don't like talking about alcohol with adults. Adults totally demonise teenagers: «You teenagers always drink far too much» and «Smoking weed? Smoking? Do you do all that when you go out? Or do you take drugs?».
Let's be honest ... You adults know what goes on when you go out, don't you? You were young yourselves. I admit, it's rarely civilised and clean. For us young people, going out is a break from everyday life. From work or school. It's a break from obligations, rules and judgements. An evening at the club can leave you with funny, sad, angry, great and happy memories. All of that is okay. We learn to deal with it.
"I quickly realised that I needed a suitable schedule in my life to help me find my feet in the world of work. So now that means that the alarm clock rings at 5.45 a.m. so that I can be on the ward on time at 7 a.m."
I'm really grateful to my parents that they trust me so much and aren't overly strict. My mum always asks the same questions: «Who are you travelling with?», «When will you be home?» and «How will you get back?». As soon as that's sorted out, she lets me go. I know that's not a given. Especially not at 16.
But I made an effort from the very beginning not to give them any reason for mistrust. I know how important punctuality is to them - so I'm home on time.
«Please get the scratch before midnight!»
Steffi: And that's exactly why I think it's right to give Mia the freedom to make her own decisions. Our deal: you do a good job in your apprenticeship, get decent grades and are decent at home. Then we'll also give you plenty of freedom to develop, get to know yourself and let off steam.
«Our deal: you do a good job in your apprenticeship, get decent grades and are decent at home.»
I trust Mia very much. And I also know that one or two «nonsense» things will happen to her on her way to growing up. I hope that she will tell us about it and that we can support her.
And yet I won't go to sleep until she's back home. Even if it's 2 o'clock in the morning. Simply because she's the person who, 15 years ago, I taped up or locked every sharp corner of furniture and every dangerous cleaning cupboard. So that she wouldn't hurt herself.
It's lucky that I still have diaries from when I was 16. That's why I know that you have to get a scratch from time to time. But if you can, please do it at midnight, dear Mia, so that you're really home by 2 a.m., okay?
* In Switzerland, alcohol is permitted from the age of 16. Drinks containing more than 15 per cent alcohol by volume are only permitted from the age of 18. (Editor's note)
Next topic:
In their next post, Mia and Steffi Hidber write a listicle about 10 things they want to do by 25 and 55 respectively.