When children are the better adults
It was actually supposed to be like last Saturday. The flat was freshly cleaned, I had just come home from the shops and my son had a colleague over. When I entered, I immediately caught a whiff of cigarette smoke with my motherly instinct. «Have you been smoking?» I asked. He admitted it immediately - even though he doesn't officially smoke. The other day at the family dinner table, he even had a big rant about how stupid smoking was.
At home, the situation is usually the other way round. For example, when I sneak out onto the balcony in the evening to smoke an after-work cigarette, haven't closed the door carefully enough and my 16-year-old son comes into my room afterwards.
Then he asks with the detective flair of an alarmed teenager: «Have you been smoking?» Officially, I don't smoke at home. And have often strongly warned my children not to ever start.
These are the ambiguities of modern parenthood. You want to protect your children from bad things, including your own bad habits. And at the same time you know that such an endeavour will fail. After all, they always notice everything. And at this age, they want to know exactly where the mother ends and the person with her shortcomings begins.
It is a strange moment to have to admit to your 16-year-old son that you have been smoking in secret.
It's a strange moment to have to admit to your 16-year-old son that you've been smoking in secret. And to meet the teenager 's gaze when he sees you with different eyes. But it's not just that. Once a week, on Saturday, when I'm cleaning, I like to turn up the stereo for a few minutes to drive away the heaviness of everyday life with a portion of sinfully loud music.
I can usually be sure that my 19-year-old daughter will soon float into the room and turn down the volume with a reproachful look. «Think of the neighbours!» she then says. At least it has nothing to do with adolescence for her. Even when she was still a primary school pupil, everyone had to justify themselves for wasting energy if they used the lift in our house instead of taking the stairs. Didn't it used to be the other way round?
Wasn't it once the teenagers who secretly smoked by the window or drove their parents out of their minds with loud music? Are children the better adults today? Have we done something wrong as parents that our offspring dictate the rules for living together? That's the problem with having children.
Education is an equation with so many variables that it simply cannot be solved.
Firstly, nobody tells you how to do it, and even if they did, there is no guarantee that it would work. Parenting is an equation with so many variables that it simply cannot be solved and certainly cannot be generalised. And yes, maybe I really am one of those working teenage mums who act as if they are still teenagers themselves.
And I am sure that I could have done a lot of things better. But it's a good sign that my children are obviously growing up to be responsible adults. Even if they are now bringing me up.
