What will it be like when the son grows up?

«Dear Jacqueline, your son (20) is slowly fledging. How does that feel for you? How are you managing to let go?»

Bianca Fritz, Head of Online Editing

"I learnt to let go the hard way. Just over a year ago, Liam* went to Berlin for three months as part of journalism school. He was gone from one day to the next. Completely! That's when I really realised that he was now an adult and I really suffered.
Of course, the process of letting go started earlier. When you realise that the children are no longer so dependent on you as parents, that they are also away from you sometimes. Liam was with his father from time to time, we separated early on. Then came hobbies, the first camp at school, and so on. I cried on his last day at school. It was clear that another phase was coming to an end. Then he finished his apprenticeship, which was another cut, he now had an education and could look after himself.
Liam and I were always very close, I brought him up alone, he has no siblings and his father lived abroad for a while. Maybe that's why it was all the harder for me when he was away for those three months in Berlin. Suddenly I had no one! I really missed Liam.
Nevertheless, it also had a positive side for me. Letting go and the distance suddenly made me feel free. Suddenly I was at the centre of things again and I no longer had to take anyone else into consideration or adapt. It was as if my previous life without a child had returned.
We always had a good dialogue, had our rituals, often cooked together, discussed things, watched TV. If the printer was broken, I could ask Liam. If I didn't know what to do with Instagram, he helped me. He brought a youthful freshness into my life that was gone from one day to the next.

Letting go is also very much on my mind again at the moment, Liam has been in the military for a few months and I hardly see him any more. When he goes out at the weekend, he goes to his girlfriend's house, who has her own flat. Since starting recruit school, he's never slept in his room, he's always stayed with her. He doesn't even bring me his laundry, he does it himself at his girlfriend's place. So if I want to see him, I have to officially invite him and his girlfriend to dinner.
I'm sometimes envious of friends of mine who have several children, one or even more of whom are still at home or at least come with them on holiday. I love remembering holidays with Liam, we always had a good time together.
Some of my friends' children are still at secondary school or university and are more dependent on parental support than my son. After completing two apprenticeships, he has now started his career and is no longer financially dependent on me. That makes me extremely proud of my son.

He doesn't even bring me his washing, he does it himself at his girlfriend's.

Recently, Liam and I had a fight. I accused him of never being home and that I hadn't even seen him in uniform. So I didn't want to go and visit him on relatives' day in the military. He replied that my bluster was useless and that he just wanted to be left alone on his three days off. He had the feeling that everyone wanted something from him.
I don't just miss Liam, but also the social contact that comes with having a child. On this day of visiting relatives, which I went to anyway, I thought to myself that this was probably the last day I would have contact with other people through my child. Well, then maybe again at his wedding.
I'll be happy when the military is over. However, I don't have much hope that Liam will really live with me again. He's already announced that he wants his own flat in the city. That's actually a good thing. I myself love my freedom and have probably passed this love on, Liam is no mummy's boy. But to be completely gone from zero to one hundred, first in Berlin and now in the military, that's not easy for me. Not being able to do anything for him anymore, literally letting him go, was more painful for me than I thought.
But it's part of it. You learn a lot as a parent. For me, letting go is the final stage in my learning process as a mum. At the same time, I know that if I needed him for any reason, or if I was unwell, he would come straight away. And so would I with him, of course. I remain «the mummy» after all. And we love each other unconditionally - forever!"
*Name known to the editors.

The next question goes to Sales Manager Corina Sarasin:

«Dear Corina, what are you like as a godparent? What does this role mean to you and how is your relationship with your three godchildren?»

Jacqueline Zygmont, Sales Manager

The answer has now been published:

What is the relationship like with your godchildren? The answer from Corina Sarasin

Previously published in the section «We ask ourselves»:

• Editor-in-chief Nik Niethammer answers the question: Dear Nik, do your children still believe in Father Christmas and the Christ Child?

• Editor Florina Schwander answers the question: Dear Florina, do your twins get the same presents for Christmas?
  
• Lead author Claudia Landolt answers the question: How does it feel to be a woman with five men and a dog?
  
• Deputy Editor-in-Chief Evelin Hartmann answers the question: How do you manage the bilingualism of High German and Swiss German?
  
• Patrik Luther, Deputy Publishing Director, answers the question: What is it like when the children have a big age difference?
  
• Florian Blumer, Head of Production, answers the question: How do you manage to distribute work, family and household equally?

• Bianca Fritz, Head of Online, answers the question: What is it actually like to work for a parents' magazine when you are (still) childless?