What to do when children cry?
Children cry when they hurt themselves, argue with other children or get an injection from the doctor. Parents can react to these negative emotions with affection and understanding or with strictness and intransigence. If parents show understanding, the child is comforted and encouraged to express the negative feelings. They are helped to overcome the problems that trigger these negative feelings. For example, if a child is frustrated because they are having problems solving a maths problem, parents can help their child to solve the problem and encourage them.
However, sometimes parents simply don't have the time or patience to respond understandingly to their children's negative feelings. They then use parenting strategies that are not based on understanding and they punish their child or ignore the negative feelings.
How do these different parenting strategies affect children?
Scientific studies have shown that the social and emotional development Psychology & Society of children who experience affection and understanding when they express negative feelings is more positive, whereas strict parenting strategies generally have a negative impact on a child's development. In a two-year longitudinal study of white families in the USA, we investigated the extent to which parents' reactions to their children's negative feelings influence their social adaptability, understanding of feelings and emotion regulation.
Strict parenting strategies usually have a negative impact on the child's development.
We visited the families twice at intervals of one year. As in previous studies conducted with white families, it was found that those children who receive comfort, help and affection from their parents have fewer difficulties in categorising and controlling their emotions. They also develop fewer disorders such as aggressive behaviour or depression. Strict parenting methods such as punishment, on the other hand, have a negative impact on a child's ability to keep their emotions under control. And parents' reactions have a lasting effect: the way in which they react to their child's negative feelings still has an impact on their child's emotional development a year later.
Encourage your child to show their feelings or hug and kiss them.
However, this is only part of the story. Most studies on this topic have been conducted in Western cultures. The cultural context influences the importance given to emotions. In Western cultures, parents emphasise the importance of their children becoming independent and self-reliant. Showing emotions is equated with assertiveness, which is why children in these cultures are often encouraged to do so. In contrast, in Eastern cultures, greater importance is attached to harmony within the group. For this reason, feelings are generally not shown in these cultures. Parents from different cultures may therefore deal differently with their children's negative feelings. In the course of globalisation, the number of immigrants in Western countries is increasing.
Many immigrants adapt to some extent to the cultural values of the host country, but at the same time they cling to the values of their home country. If this is the case, can the children settle in properly in the host country? Or to put it more precisely: how do children develop if their parents, who have immigrated to the West from Eastern countries, make sure that the children suppress their feelings when bringing them up? We studied Chinese immigrants in America to see how their parents' reactions to their children's negative feelings affect their development.
We found that, just as in white families, loving and positive reactions had a favourable effect on the children's emotion regulation and social adjustment. Compared to the white parents, however, the Chinese parents often reacted more severely when their children showed negative emotions. In contrast to white children, however, the social and emotional development of the Chinese immigrant children was not impaired by a strict reaction. These are the results of our study.
So how should we as parents best react when our child shows negative emotions? Whether you come from a Western culture where showing emotions is viewed positively or from a culture where expressing emotions is viewed negatively, you should try to respond with care and understanding. Help your child to solve problems, encourage them to show feelings, or hug or kiss them. Do not punish or ignore your child because of their feelings, even if it is sometimes difficult to remain patient. Because only positive strategies have a positive effect on emotional development.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Yang Yang is a PhD student at the Institute for Human Development at Cornell University (USA). She is researching the following questions: How does the cultural background of parents influence the socialisation process? What influence does parental behaviour have on children's emotional intelligence? And: What role does emotional understanding play with regard to later development?
JACOBS FOUNDATION
As one of the world's leading charitable foundations, the Jacobs Foundation has been committed to promoting research in the field of child and youth development for 25 years. The Foundation aims to provide sustainable support for future generations by improving their development opportunities.