What is life like in the traditional family model?

In our series «We ask ourselves ...», we at Fritz+Fränzi ask each other questions from the big family universe. Patrik Luther, Deputy Publishing Director, answers the question posed by Florina Schwander, Head of Online Editing.

«Dear Patrik, you and your wife live the traditional family model with your two daughters: you work 100 per cent, she looks after the children and the household. How does that work?»

Dear Florina, thank you for asking this question. Especially in times of coronavirus, with the unexpected switch to more working from home, the introduction of homeschooling and the extra work in the «company at home», the challenges of the different forms of cohabitation are really popping up. So it's a good time to pick apart the «How is it going?».
First things first: things are going more or less as we imagine. However, the feel-good scale is constantly being filled with new needs on both sides: On the left the ones that can be fulfilled, on the right those that need to be put on the back burner.

In our setting, the «traditional family model», we always manage to prioritise the needs that we can meet. Of course, balancing work and family life is a Herculean task for many reasons. The cost of not having a linear job development for my wife is particularly high and returning to work in the future is a challenge that can hardly be estimated.
We are taking on this challenge because we strongly believe in living in the here and now. This is also in the knowledge that life in a community with growing children is subject to constant change. This creates a dynamic that we recognise as «our life».

Away with the rating

What makes me a little uncomfortable is the judgemental attitude that usually resonates with the term «traditional family model». By this I mean the opinion of good tradition, the optimal basis for a man's career, the «genetic» argument of mother/child bonding and, by inference, the division of roles between the woman at the cooker and the man at the desk.
That's too simple for me and doesn't correspond to our family attitude, and you know me, dear Florina, I have to dig deeper into the thought box. The category «Family model: traditional» enables a quick categorisation and at the same time, generally understandable values can be docked on: «The Luthers, like the Meiers, live the traditional family model.» And that is probably true in very few cases: No matter how classic or complicated a family lives, each one is different from the other, no matter what label is attached to it.
If I could rephrase the question for us, it could sound something like this: «Dear Patrik, you and your family are practising the dynamic cohabitation that takes all family members into consideration, which in your case consists of mum, dad and two children with a five-year age difference. You have currently divided your time so that you work 100 per cent away from home and your wife works 100 per cent at home and you try to divide up the experiencing, working, cooking, cleaning and looking after the children fairly during your time together. How does that work?»

Fair Family: What is it?

This attempt to reformulate the question shows how colourful and complex living together is today. It also shows how the individuality of each member of the community characterises the overall model and here's the thing: living together is subject to ongoing adjustments. At the same time, it also raises a new question: what is really fair and for whom?

What and for whom is fair really fair?

Seen from the outside, «fair» is probably when the needs that can be met at the moment outweigh those that cannot, even if this is only to a slight degree. However, the internal view of «fair» for each individual family member has nothing to do with this, as individual factors play a decisive role. For our little one, it's totally fair if she gets one more biscuit than the older one. For her, it's totally unfair if mummy is away in the evening to meet up with friends. For mum, it's fair when dad takes over the evening and morning chores and for me it's unfair that the kids give priority to a plate of pasta with ready-made sauce over my lovingly prepared vegetable risotto.
As described above, we organise our life together in the knowledge that we are in training mode and will be for a while yet. We don't claim to be right or perfect, but when we do something well, we celebrate it properly and together. At the same time, this means that we are not looking for absolute certainty, but are giving constant change the necessary space and time. I'm sure there are many exciting life models out there and I think it's worth enquiring about every family model from time to time: how is it going?

The next question goes to Nik Niethammer, Editor-in-Chief:

«Dear Nik, your children are nine and eleven years old. What issues are they currently dealing with?»

The answer will follow in about two weeks ...

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Previously published in the «We ask ourselves» section:

Editor-in-chief Nik Niethammer answers the question: Dear Nik, do your children still believe in Father Christmas and the Christ Child?

Editor Florina Schwander answers the question: Dear Florina, do your twins get the same presents for Christmas?
Lead author Claudia Landolt answers the question: How does it feel to be a woman with five men and a dog?
Deputy Editor-in-Chief Evelin Hartmann answers the question: How do you manage the bilingualism of High German and Swiss German?
Patrik Luther, Deputy Publishing Director, answers the question: What is it like when the children have a big age difference?
Florian Blumer, Head of Production, answers the question: How do you manage to distribute work, family and household equally?

Bianca Fritz, Head of Online, answers the question: What is it actually like to work for a parenting magazine when you are (still) childless?

Sales Manager Jacqueline Zygmont answers the question: How do you let go when your son (20) is slowly fledging?
Sales Manager Corina Sarasin answers the question: What is the relationship like with your godchildren?

Publishing assistant Dominique Binder answers the question: What is it like to grow up as an only child?

Managing Director of Stiftung Elternsein, Thomas Schlickenrieder, answers the question: Family in different time zones: What is it like when your son is studying abroad?

Author Claudia Landolt answers the question: What to cook for four greedy boys?

Sales Manager Renata Canclini gives tips on how to make life work as a patchwork family.

Foundation secretary Éva Berger explains how she went from being a full-time mum back to working full-time.

Benjamin Muschg, Head of Production, gives tips on what you should bear in mind as an unmarried couple with a child.

Evelin Hartmann, deputy editor-in-chief, writes about holidays; the same place every year - boring or familiar?

Andrea Widmer from Fundraising writes about her children's relationship with their grandparents, who live far away.

Florina Schwander, Head of Online Editorial, writes about twin frustration and the recurring question about the age difference between her boys.