What is it like when the children have a big age difference?

In our series «We ask ourselves ...», we in the editorial team and publishing house ask each other questions from the big family universe. Today, Patrik Luther, deputy publishing director, answers the question posed by deputy editor-in-chief Evelin Hartmann .

"Dear Patrik, your girls are five years apart. What do you do in your free time? Do you find a programme together that is fun for both of you?"

Evelin Hartmann, Deputy Editor-in-Chief

Thank you very much, dear Evelin, for this interesting question.

Our girls are two and seven years old. It's not always easy to do justice to both of them. And due to the girls' rapid development, new challenges arise almost every week. I would like to emphasise at the outset: We are enormously happy and grateful to have two healthy and lively children enriching our lives! The vagaries of nature have taught us that wanting children and having children are not necessarily friends. All the more reason for us to enjoy the long-awaited addition to our family. We see the difference in age as a friend in our daily family life - with whom you can sometimes argue. The five-year difference is particularly noticeable in our daily routine: The fixed school times regulate the big one's everyday life, whereas the little one's biorhythm pushes her home for an afternoon nap. The older one prefers to play with other children in the neighbourhood, while the younger one prefers to cling to her mum's leg.

In most cases, however, these different basic needs can be easily reconciled: If the older child is at the neighbourhood playground - preferably without parental supervision - the younger child is automatically given the necessary freedom to play as she wishes and at her own pace.

Of course, the age difference also means we have to adapt: the younger one reluctantly re frains from climbing trees and is content to be a boring spectator. The older one grumbles because she is not allowed to go to the trampoline, but we go to a playground that has equipment for her little sister. Being considerate is part of it. Even if it sometimes seems totally stupid and incomprehensible to children.

Patrik Luther with his two daughters, aged two and seven.
Patrik Luther with his two daughters, aged two and seven.

What challenges us is dividing our time with the girls fairly. Big sister's school, friends, hobbies and independent playtime take up a large part of her day. In between, she prefers to leave us parents to our own devices. She makes it clear to us that we could definitely do with a little more attention. After all, the baby sister gets all the parental attention while she is out of the house. So this missing or neglected time is casually added up in the children's times tables and expected on top.

Strict, sometimes. But hand on heart: we are secretly flattered and delighted by this. Because we know how quickly the need for more closeness to us parents can diminish.

So what do you do when everyone is together? Playing outside, going for a walk together, cycling or «Brötle» in the forest are very popular. Preferably on paths and in places we've already visited umpteen times. The big one jumps, climbs or hopscotches and the little one is there with alert, amazed eyes: «Da» (aeroplane), «Da» (butterfly), «Gug» (train) or «Ei» (stone). They both seem to get their money's worth with this «ums Huus ume» programme. Only we parents occasionally veto the programme so that we can discover a new mountain or a beautiful lake.

So the five years are actually rather irrelevant, because the undisputed number one on the hit list of favourite activities is: «The main thing is to be with you!»

The next question goes to Florian Blumer, Head of Production:

«Dear Florian. You and your wife both work. What challenges do you face when it comes to balancing family and work? And how do you do that in practice?»

Patrik Luther, Deputy Publishing Director

The answer will follow in a fortnight ...

Previously published in the section "We ask ourselves":

  • Editor-in-chief Nik Niethammer answers the question: Dear Nik, do your children still believe in Father Christmas and the Christ Child?
  • Editor Florina Schwander answers the question: Dear Florina, do your twins get the same presents for Christmas?
  • Lead author Claudia Landolt answers the question: How does it feel to be a woman with five men and a dog?
  • Deputy Editor-in-Chief Evelin Hartmann answers the question: How do you manage the bilingualism of High German and Swiss German?