«We were left on our own»

Personal narrative

When their daughter Anna, 16, became a victim of cyberbullying, Christine and René had the school management on their side - until the parents of the bullies intervened.

«From middle school onwards, Anna seemed increasingly serious. But she didn't seem to have any words for what was bothering her and always said she was fine. René got an idea of how bad things were for her when he accompanied the class on a trip in the sixth form: Anna seemed to be air for the others. The teacher said that this was no exception, that Anna always seemed so "scattered». Our daughter became thinner and thinner, then one day she came home with her arm open to the bone and said it didn't hurt. I took her in my arms and Anna collapsed.

The paediatrician wrote her off sick. We talked to the class teacher, showed him chat histories. The next day, he took the class to task. The bullies justified their behaviour by saying that Anna herself was to blame for the situation. In the follow-up meeting with the school, the head teacher apologised and the school psychologist arrived too late. Answers to our questions about what they intended to do were delayed after the meeting and we were left in the dark.
The first year at the public school went well until the teacher gave Anna special status. She soon had the class against her. We sought dialogue with the school management, who in turn talked to the young people. The cyberbullying started again: Lies, threats, exclusion. Anna was suspended from class several times, but we stayed in dialogue with the school management. In the end, they suggested that we call the police. We then sought advice from a lawyer and the police. Together with the school management, we confronted the class to make the perpetrators aware of the possible consequences of their behaviour. Their parents reacted indignantly, accusing us of having threatened the children. From that moment on, the school management withdrew all support: as there were only two weeks until the end of school anyway, Anna's final report would simply be sent home. We were left alone.

The past few months have been characterised by strengthening Anna's self-confidence, including through psychological support. Anna, but also we as a family, have been scarred. However, some good things have also come out of this terrible time: our bond as a family has become even stronger. We consciously give no room to bitterness about the injustice that happened to us."

Dieser Artikel gehört zum
This article is part of the online dossier Bullying Read more about questions such as: How do children become perpetrators, why do they become victims? And what can parents and teachers do?
Dieser Text stammt aus dem Juniheft 2020.
This text is from the June 2020 issue. You can order the entire issue as a single copy here.
Wer hatte auch schon mal mit Mobbing zu kämpfen? Wir sammeln Ihre Erlebnisse, gerne auch anonym.
Who has ever had to deal with bullying? We collect your experiences, anonymously if you like.
online@fritzundfraenzi.ch

Read more about bullying:

  • Harassment on the net
    Cyberbullying is not a trivial offence, but can be prosecuted under criminal law. What should parents do if their child is being cyberbullied?
  • «I was an easy victim»
    Benjamin, 12, was well integrated in his class until a leader turned everyone against him. At some point, the only thing that helped was changing schools.
  • «I got you a rope»
    Exclusion, beatings, cyberbullying: Anna, 16, has experienced it first-hand. She urgently advises victims to break their silence.
  • «We were left alone»
    When their daughter Anna, 16, became a victim of cyberbullying, Christine and René had the school management on their side - until the parents of the bullies got involved.
  • «Look, here comes the fat girl»
    School was a dark time for Tamara, 18, who became the target of bullying attacks at an early age that robbed her of any joy in life.
  • Bullying: all against one
    When children put others down, often nothing happens until an emergency arises. However, research makes it clear that if you want to combat bullying effectively, you have to intervene before it starts. Social interaction only works where those involved are constantly working on it. What does this mean for schools, teachers and parents?
  • How do children become victims or perpetrators of bullying?
    Françoise Alsaker, pioneer of bullying research in Switzerland, on myths and facts: How do children become victims or perpetrators of bullying? And what do parental home, social status or gender roles have to do with it?
  • No Blame Approach: A guide for teachers
    The «No Blame Approach» is an effective method for putting a lasting end to bullying among pupils. It does not apportion blame, even in serious cases. A practical aid for teachers.
  • The «bullying glasses» - an aid for teachers
    Bullying experts and authors Heike Blum and Detlef Beck have developed a tool that can help teachers to detect bullying: the bullying glasses.
  • How bullying arises
    Insulted, humiliated, laughed at: bullying causes great suffering to children. Whether it takes place on social media or in the classroom. But how can it happen in the first place? And what role do classmates and teachers play?
  • #nomobbing campaign at Glatt: «Ouch, that hurt!»
    Mobile phones that translate bullying into electric shocks, a Youtuber who talks openly about how she became a victim of bullying and lots of good conversations about bullying with professionals. All this is happening right now at the Glatt shopping centre in Wallisellen. And you can drop by.
  • How do I recognise bullying?
    There are no signs that indicate bullying with certainty. However, parents and professionals should take a closer look if they notice several of the following signs.