We say: «I realise for myself when enough is enough»

Jamelia from Lucerne is 12 and has her own smartphone without a filter. Her parents Markus, 43, and Jasmin, 41, rely on few rules and a lot of trust. As a data and software specialist, Markus works a lot on his mobile phone. Sometimes too much, his daughter thinks.

Jasmin : When Jamelia was 10, she took over my old mobile phone, still without a SIM card and Whatsapp. A year ago, she got a smartphone with a prepaid card. We deduct the CHF 10 for it from her pocket money. Jamelia usually only uses the internet at home, but has the option of buying mobile data from her credit for a day when she's out and about if necessary. I get a message when she downloads and installs an app and can confirm this using the family authorisation.

Jamelia: I just do it when I'm out and about all day so that I can also use Whatsapp. Normally, I'm not on my mobile phone that much. I'm at school until 6 p.m. anyway and, unlike many of my classmates, I'm not allowed to take my smartphone there. In the evening, I check what's been going on. But sometimes, when nobody wants to answer the phone, I can't think of anything else to do but be on my mobile. I find that a bit daft myself. I then sing karaoke or practise guitar with videos. But I realise quite well when I've had enough.
Jasmin: Well, you always have to be reminded to put your mobile phone down. But I think it's great that you stick to our agreement. You bring your mobile phone into the kitchen at night even if we don't check it. As long as you don't overdo it, we don't need fixed time rules. What I'm wondering is whether we shouldn't have installed a youth filter for you - and whether we might have a different solution for your little sister.

«I'm against controlling young people too much. It's more important to talk about rules and values.»

Father Markus

Markus: Young people know how to bypass such filters. I am against controlling young people too much. It's more important that we talk to them about what rules and values we have. In principle, Jamelia can come up against anything, yes. But she is a good-natured and conscientious person. The only thing that sometimes annoys me is that the mobile phones attract so much attention. At the birthday party the other day, we collected all the mobile phones for this very reason. No sooner had one child reclaimed their mobile phone than everyone was sitting around the screen. The boys even stopped playing football.
Jamelia: But when I ask you about homework, I have to ask you several times because you're on your mobile phone and «just have to work quickly» on something.
Markus: That's probably true - I work and read a lot on my mobile phone. But overall I spend less time on it than I would if I had a print newspaper, the timetable and everything else I research on my mobile phone. Basically, it's more efficient - but it just looks silly when I'm only on my mobile phone. And I'm not the type to get lost on social media.

Jasmin : I mainly use my smartphone to communicate. I'm on Facebook at most twice a day and check a few messages. I make phone calls and send voice messages.
Jamelia : Oh yes, Mum, your voicemails are so long. You always have such long pauses between sentences.(Everyone laughs)

Markus: Jamelia and I send each other pictures on Snapchat every day. I usually take pictures wherever I am. The app rewards us with so-called «Snapdays» - little flames. It's a fun way for me to get to know my daughter's world and stay connected with her.
Jamelia: Yes, that's okay. Even if I often just take a photo of a wall or something. And I'd rather not tell anyone that I'm snapping with my dad. That would be kind of embarrassing.

More on the topic of media use:

  • We say: «Time allotments for mobile phones help us». The Kühne family is moving with the times: all the children have access to smartphones or laptops. But: media use is limited in terms of time...
  • Which filters and restrictions are useful for the first smartphone? How do you make smartphones childproof? Our suggestions for iOS and Android devices.
  • Mrs Willemse, how much smartphone is too much? There are hardly any generally applicable rules on media consumption, says media psychologist Isabel Willemse. In order for children to learn how to use their smartphones consciously, parents are doubly challenged ...
  • How much screen time is appropriate at what age? The expert Serge Tisseron has softened his well-known 3-6-9-12 rule . He now gives more general recommendations.
  • But what does conscious use of smartphones and other media look like? And: How do we integrate the devices into our everyday family life without being controlled by them?