Twin shaming: a double cheek!

«Have a nice day anyway,» said the strange woman, casting a pitying glance at the twins of our editor Florina Schwander. Is that really necessary?

Before I had twins myself, I thought the conventional wisdom about twins was: "Oh, how practical, they'll always play together." I have learnt that this is the opinion of a minority.
The majority think: "Oh dear. Better you than me. So much work. Sooo exhausting." Or: "Have a nice day anyway. "
Please what?

In my virtual twin groups, I keep reading about so-called twin shaming. People who pity twin parents without being asked and bear witness to the hard lot of supposedly having double the happiness. I've been spared so far. The last silly comments were during pregnancy, when congratulations and pity often went hand in hand: " Oh, congratulations, you're pregnant! What is it?""Two!""Oh dear, I'd rather you than me."

«Well, yes. Have a nice day anyway.» Excuse me?

And then recently this: my older daughter is at nursery school and I'm out with the boys. They are identical with red hair and in the double carriage they are quite easy to identify as twins. An older woman starts up a conversation with the familiar equivalent of «Have you got a light?», namely: «Are they twins?». I smile sweetly: «Yes, exactly!». We've just come from the bakery, the boys are happily munching on their biscuits, I've got a nice coffee in my hand - all's well at the Schwander house.
Then there's a surprising angry lie about how she has siblings who are twins and she knows exactly how exhausting that is. As soon as one stops crying, the other starts again and so on and so forth. I argue that the boys are already three and I think the worst is over. They don't actually cry that often any more. Which is followed by: «Well, yes. Have a nice day anyway.» And she was gone. And I was left speechless.

Plagued without being asked: What to do?

Our exchange was actually harmless and the woman certainly didn't mean it as badly as it came across to me. However, her final sentence has stuck with me. I was mainly annoyed about two things:

  1. Dass ich nichts antworten konnte auf ihre ungefragten schlechten Vibes zu Zwillingen. Für die Zukunft habe ich mir zurecht gelegt: «Es tut mir leid, dass Sie schlechte Erfahrungen mit Zwillingen hatten. Ich halte mich an George Clooney: What else!» Oder: «Wissen Sie, wie meine Zwillinge heissen? Göschenen – Airolo!».
  1. Dass meine Zwillinge das mitbekommen. Mit ihren drei Jahren verstehen sie ihre Umgebung vermutlich besser, als ich mir das vorstellen kann. Einen doofen Kommentar an mich allein gerichtet, das ist okay. Aber warum sollen meine Jungs das mithören müssen? 
Easier said than done: stand over it. Or even better: turn your back and keep walking. My three children on the way up the Felsenegg.
Easier said than done: stand over it. Or even better: turn your back and keep walking. My three children on the way up the Felsenegg.

I know that the world has bigger problems and a few unstable sacks of rice that fall over from time to time anyway. And yet this sentence really annoyed me. Perhaps one of you, dear reader, has experienced something similar and has a good answer for me?
I made myself at peace with the world again a few days later when another dad told me during swimming lessons in the indoor pool that my twins always put him in a good mood when they were doubled up.
Hah. High 2.

Read more about twins:

  • Do your twins get the same presents?
  • Twins together in kindergarten or separately?