TV criticism: How do you educate?
The concept of the programme is simple - and well-known from other programmes such as «Frauentausch». Take a topic that is as emotional as possible: parenting. Find the most contrasting protagonists possible and then set them against each other. Britta, for example, is an artist and believes that Children should be able to develop freely. Rules only get in the way. Her relationship with her 12-year-old son is based on voluntariness and trust, she says. Claudia, on the other hand, has been labelled a «controlling housewife» by the VOX channel and says that her children are allowed to develop like «budgies in a cage» - in other words, within clearly defined rules.
The viewers, who were also engaged and filmed by the broadcaster, gasp: «Did she really just say that her children grow up in a cage?» Just in case the mothers themselves don't argue enough, others are allowed to judge the parenting styles and statements. So the standard German family (mother, father, son and daughter) and a very young couple with a baby sit in front of the television and act as experts. However, so that nobody could accuse the broadcaster of discriminating against minorities, the gay couple with a dog, the family with Arab roots and headscarves and the two elderly ladies who live together are also allowed to take part in the discussion. A cross-section of the German population, according to the statement.
The battle lines have been drawn and you can guess: blood will flow.
Before these women are let loose on each other, each allowed to observe the other's upbringing and everyday life for a day, they have to recite a little saying about the worst thing they could encounter. And of course they predict exactly what to expect.
Claudia: «If the other one has no rules at all.»
Britta: «If she stifles her children with rules and puts pressure on them!»
The battle lines are now clearly drawn. You think you can hear a bell in the background calling the fighters into the ring. And you suspect: blood will flow.
And then this: when the mothers visit each other, it turns out that Britta does have rules: Her son is only allowed to watch television twice a week. And Claudia is fascinated by how much the boy helps out without being asked. Visibly unsettled, she justifies her own style by saying that «her children are completely different». Britta, on the other hand, is fascinated by the fact that Claudia allows her girls to do so much on social media and how she controls them. «I think that's terrible - I'd rather not use Facebook if I know my mum is reading it,» grumbles the young mum with a baby watching on. But Britta tries to understand. She understands Claudia's worries and that she only wants to protect her daughters.
If mums are completely honest, they are actually all insecure. Nobody knows what is really best for the child.
And when the two mothers meet a third time on «neutral ground for a big talk», there is still no blood flowing, but the two women make an appointment for the sauna. So that Claudia can finally do something for herself, says Britta. Claudia herself seems thoughtful, scrutinises her methods and Britta also wants to learn a thing or two. «I thought we were totally different - but that's not true at all, we both raise our children with love,» says the artist. A conciliatory ending. Hugs instead of catfights. Even the commentators on the sofa somehow think both mums are good and not so extreme. This is certainly not what the broadcaster had in mind.
An exception? An outlier in the programme concept? And the production costs were just too expensive to simply discard the episode? Perhaps. But then there were several outliers. For example, the full-time mum who brings up her children according to a strict concept and offers her help to the overburdened single parent - a real friendship develops. Instead of nagging mothers who doggedly defend their way, there are subtle nuances, understanding, the realisation that no way is perfect and that - if you're completely honest - you can't really know what's best for your child anyway.
«My child, your child» could be a really good programme. If the sensationalised structure was removed. And if fathers played a more important role. But bringing up children on VOX still clearly seems to be purely a woman's job.
