Tips for strengthening your child's self-esteem

Where do we draw the inner strength to confidently seize life's opportunities and defy adversity? With these tips, you can strengthen your child's self-confidence.

As a parent, how do I boost my child's self-confidence? Here are 10 tips on how parents can strengthen their child:

  1. Ich höre meinem Kind zu. Ich nehme mir Zeit für mein Kind und versuche es zu verstehen.
  2. Ich binde mein Kind in der Familie aktiv mit ein, es hat kleine Ämtli und/oder Aufgaben.
  3. Mein Kind hat Mitspracherecht, darf bei Familienentscheidungen mitreden und sich einbringen.
  4. Ich fange mein Kind auf, wenn es Misserfolge hat, an sich zweifelt oder strauchelt. Ich mag es für seine Schwächen und Stärken.
  5. Habe ich einmal einen schlechten Tag oder wenig Zeit, erkläre ich, weshalb das so ist.
  6. Ich suche immer den Kontakt zum Kind und bleibe achtsam.
  7. Ich lasse das Kind seine eigenen Erfahrungen machen: Es darf und kann etwas.
  8. Ich mache ihm bewusst: Übung macht den Meister. Fortschritte erfordern regelmässiges Dranbleiben an einer Sache.
  9. Ich helfe ihm, seine Ängste zu überwinden. Ich insistiere nicht, aber ich mache ihm seine Stärken bewusst.
  10. Ich mache es darauf aufmerksam, dass seine Ideen lustig und spannend für andere sind.

Attention: Phrases that cause lasting damage to self-confidence

Words have great power. Words can hurt - so much so that they become deeply ingrained in us. Negative or derogatory sentences about us that we heard in childhood leave a lifelong mark on us if we don't deal with them. The psychologist Margarete Killer-Rietschel has listed «poisonous sentences» that parents should avoid at all costs because they do great damage to a child's self-confidence:

  • Ich vertraue dir nie mehr.
  • Nie kann man sich auf dich verlassen.
  • Du bist ein faules Kind.
  • Du bist eine Heulsuse.
  • Aus dir wird nie etwas.
  • Das ist wieder typisch für dich!
  • Du bist das Schlimmste, was ich mir antun konnte.
  • Du bist genau wie dein Vater.
  • Es war mein Fehler, Kinder zu haben.
  • Ich schäme mich für dich.
  • Ich schäme mich, mit dir auf die Strasse zu gehen.

Withdrawal of love and silence are also forms of psychological violence against children and can be detrimental to their development under certain circumstances.

Literature

Ursula Nuber: The bonding effect. How early experiences influence our relationship happiness and how we can deal with them.
Piper 2020, 256 pages, approx. 22 Fr.

Nathaniel Branden: The 6 pillars of self-esteem. Successful and satisfied through a strong self. Piper 2015, 368 pages, approx. 20 Fr.

Stefanie Stahl, Julia Tomuschat: Nest warmth that gives wings. Giving support and freedom - how we educate without educating. Gräfe+Unzer 2018, 240 pages, approx. 28 Fr.

Esther Wojcicki: Panda mum. How to raise happy and self-confident children. Ullstein 2019, 352 pages, approx. 28 Fr.

Philippa Perry: The book you wish your parents had read (and your children will be glad you did).
Ullstein 2020, 304 pages, approx. 26 Fr.

Online dossier «The strong child»

Dieser Artikel gehört zum
This article is part of the online dossier "The strong child". Courageous, communicative, strong: that's probably what every parent wants their child to be. But what helps and what hinders the development of this self-confidence? Read more about this topic here.

10 declarations of love to your boy

My boy, believe in yourself. Then the others will too.
My boy, be a good friend.
My boy, you don't always have to be first. The main thing is to be there!
My boy, make friends with girls too. Believe it or not, girls can be pretty cool.
Son, you don't have to know everything, you know?
My boy, trust your feelings. If you think yes, say yes. Have the courage to say no too.
My boy, do you sometimes feel sad? It's good to let the tears flow.
My boy, sometimes you jump in puddles, and sometimes you put on your best smile.
My boy, find friends who are like you and friends who give you new ideas.
My boy, be honest with yourself. You'll always be on the right track.
From: Jason Rosenthal, Paris Rosenthal: For my boy. A declaration of love to you. Cbj-Verlag 2019, approx. 18 Fr.

10 declarations of love to your girl

My girl, speak up! You have clever things to say.
My girl, sometimes you might feel like pink and glitter. Sometimes you want the exact opposite.
My girl, look at yourself in the mirror. Give thanks for something that makes you the person you are.
My girl, do you know that you can never ask enough questions?
My girl, never lose the ability to wonder.
My girl, find soul mates. And people who are very different from you.
My girl, when your gut tells you to say no, say no.
My girl, it's fun to colour outside the lines.
My girl, there are no rules telling you what to wear or what your hairstyle should look like.
My girl, you are braver than you think.
From: Amy Krouse Rosenthal, Paris Rosenthal: For my girl. A declaration of love to you. Cbj-Verlag 2018, approx. 18 Fr.

Read more about self-confidence:

  • Self-confidence: The strong child
    We all long to be accepted and loved unconditionally. This feeling is the basis for our self-confidence, which develops in childhood. If it weakens, this can later hinder opportunities in life, make relationships more difficult and even jeopardise health. But how does a child become self-confident? What influence do parents and school have?
  • «Almost everything that parents have failed to do can be ironed out»
    Psychologist Margarete Killer-Rietschel explains how self-confidence develops, what role parenting plays in this - and what parents can do if their child questions themselves because of poor grades.
  • «Self-confidence also has to do with overcoming limits»
    Miriam, 42, and her husband Samuel, 46, have two children, 7 and 9, and it is important to them that their children have confidence in themselves. They should find this strength within themselves - and in faith.
  • «No child should receive too little affection and love»
    Stefan, 44, is the father of two daughters, 10 and 12. He describes himself as not very self-confident and therefore makes a point of telling his girls every day how much he loves them.
  • «Stupid remarks don't bother me»
    David, 17, is the eldest of three children and feels quite self-confident. The secondary school pupil thinks he has earned this self-confidence himself.
  • «My son holds up a mirror to me every day»
    Mara, 33, is a mother of two children, 5 and 10, and recognises herself in her son's self-doubt.