«The perfect time to have a child is when you feel that you want one yourself»
We tell
Thomas: "With my first wife, I gave in to the social pressure in our Lower Bavarian community and became a father at the age of 27. When I met my current partner Valérie, she was soon casting longing glances into the prams of other mothers. After five years of trying in vain to become parents, I persuaded her to undergo artificial insemination and we were finally able to hold our son Rick in our arms, she at 39 and I at 42.
Playing football with Rick was quite exhausting at first, but now I train the children's team and am fit again. Due to my age and my experiences with my first two children, I am now more relaxed. If Rick has a fever, for example, we don't go to A&E straight away. Nevertheless, it's sometimes a mental test for me, for example when he has to get dressed and after three minutes I'm still standing there waiting with his jacket in my hand. I'm a bit short of patience these days. But my wife is patient, so we complement each other."
«At parents' evenings, I'm more willing to stand up for the children's needs than some of the younger parents.»
Valérie: «After secondary school, I did an apprenticeship, worked a lot in service and played music in discos at night. Then I found my dream job and went into the computer industry. I worked full-time for six years and met Thomas when I was 31. Getting married in my mid-20s and having a child two years later wouldn't have been right for me. But when I met Thomas, my desire to have children grew. When I read a book about pregnancy after 35 and the associated risks, I thought: «Now I have to decide what's more important to me, career or family.» I also wanted to be fit for my child. It seemed too late for me to give birth at 40. Unfortunately, it didn't work out until I was 39. If I had known this, I would have been ready for artificial insemination earlier. I haven't had any problems with my age as a mother in my environment so far. I look and feel about ten years younger. I value my greater life experience and no longer allow myself to be pressurised from the outside. At parents' evenings, I'm more willing to stand up for the children's needs because I'm less shy than some younger parents. In my opinion, I did everything right until I was 30, and that's a nice feeling. For me, the perfect time to have a child is when you feel that you want it yourself, not because you feel pressurised into it.»
Read more in the dossier «Late parents»:
- We have children later
Mature parents are more relaxed, more self-confident - and too old to go on adventures with their children. There are many prejudices like these about late parents. The fact is: becoming a parent is being delayed further and further. What does this mean for parenting and family life? - «The joy outweighs all the stressful aspects»
Simone Meyer, 48, and André Notter, 64, both have children from their first marriage. Their children Melvin and Juna are 13 and 11 years old. Simone and André now also live separately. - «Some of our friends and acquaintances are already grandparents»
Susanne Wüthrich, 44, met her husband Daniel, 51, late in life. She now has three children with him, Noel, 7, Anna, 4, and Emilie, 2. - «My mum has a hard time with some teenage expressions»
Juna Meyer, 11, and her brother Melvin live with their mum Simone, 48, and spend every other weekend with their father André, who is retiring this year.