The pandemic of mistrust
Bing! A new message in the family chat. Looks like another video. I'm sick of these videos! These short films that pretend to have answers or warn of what's to come. I want to ignore the video. But my curiosity wins out. It comes from my family after all. I click and watch. I was wrong. Again! Another video that reveals the truth behind the US election: there's talk of secret societies, Trump as a saviour and Biden as a child molester. Corona, the dangers of the virus and vaccination are also popular topics in the family chat.
It makes me so angry! How can anyone watch this nonsense? And someone from my family at that? I start typing. I'm ready to argue - uncompromisingly and unembellished! But just before I press send, I hold back. Long enough to consider whether it's helpful. Long enough to decide to send the message later. Perhaps with a little less aggression.
A pandemic of mistrust
Conspiracy theories have been around for centuries. They tend to increase when uncertainty, fear and frustration are high. In the 1920s, theories circulated that the Spanish flu was spread by aspirin produced in Germany. It seemed like a simple answer to a complex problem.
The current situation provides fertile ground for attempts to explain it. From legitimate concerns to extreme conspiracy theories. Any explanation seems better than none. And it's not just corona that polarises and divides. Global warming, the US elections, vaccinations and much more are doing the same.
The sowing of mistrust and division is spreading like a second pandemic in our families, friendships and society. A pandemic that is more dangerous than the virus itself, as it destroys belonging and trust.
The real problem is the conversations that separate us
I spend the whole day mentally working on my devastating message. I explain how these videos exploit us mentally and emotionally, how they create false causal connections and completely ignore the complexity with blame.
And then it dawns on me. I realise that my attack is just more of the same. Another opinion claiming to be right. The real problem is not what we discuss, but how we meet. These «I'm right and you're wrong» discussions divide us, they are what polarise us.
«I've heard that the coronavirus vaccination is a Bill Gates plan ...»
«Why do you believe such nonsense?»
«You shouldn't dismiss what I say. You're so gullible and believe everything the mainstream media tells you.»
«You can't believe everything you see on YouTube and Facebook.»
«You've been brainwashed.»
«Me??? You're so narrow-minded!!!»
In conversations that only know «either - or», we make each other the problem. And we overlook the fact that we are all struggling with the massive increase in complexity and uncertainty.
We overlook the fact that we are all looking for clarity and certainty. And that explanations, however far-fetched they may seem, give us a certain sense of security, control or perhaps even a certain sense of purpose because we can fight against something.
But ultimately, these conversations don't give us what we need in times of uncertainty: Belonging and dignity.
Conversations that connect
What if we talked about what uncertainty feels like and how it affects us? Conversations about our own fear and anxiety about political decisions, about our frustration with the lockdown. Conversations about struggling with the rapid pace of change and uncertainty.
«I've heard that the corona vaccination is a Bill Gates plan»
«Oh that sounds ominous. Are you unsure whether the vaccinations are safe? Or, are you afraid that you will be forced into it?»
«Yes, I'm really worried. It's all happening so quickly and everyone is saying something different. I don't know what to believe any more. And I'm also very angry that the government is acting like a police state.»
«Yes, it's quite difficult, isn't it? Everything feels so unsafe. I'm struggling with it too ... although I'm actually getting less angry and more scared, to be honest.»
Conversations like this go deeper. They are conversations, from person to person. Conversations that ultimately even give us a bit of security.
Even if it sounds strange, the next time you receive a link or a video that is difficult to take, you could pick up the phone and call the person. How are they doing? Are they happy? How are they dealing with uncertainty? This as a suggestion for a more unifying action instead of shooting back opinions or dismissing the other person as crazy.
And maybe we realise that under the surface we are not so different after all; that we all know fear, anger and sadness. Yes, we look for answers in different places, but ultimately we all want to be seen, to feel safe and recognised. And maybe we also discover that these moments of connection make it a little easier. Make it easier to deal with all the uncertainty, inequality and the struggle to survive.
Read more about corona:
- Corona dossier and families
All relevant topics and lots of tips for families can be found in our Corona dossier , which is updated regularly. - How much coronavirus can parents put their children through?
The second wave of coronavirus is here and every day we are confronted with news of new infections and new guidelines. How much should parents expect their children to be exposed to? And how do you react when the virus is really close; affecting friends, relatives or the child itself? - Should I vaccinate my child?
Few topics are as controversial among parents as immunisation. Why are some mothers and fathers so critical of immunisation against various diseases? Infectiologist Philip Tarr knows the reasons and urgently advises more education.