Women who regret motherhood do not usually admit it. On talk shows, the most you see of them is behind wigs and with a disguised voice. Sarah Fischer had enough of faking motherhood and wrote a book about her own regrets. So that her daughter can live without lies for once.
Text, pictures and videos: Bianca Fritz
It's not easy to get an appointment with Sarah Fischer. «I only give written interviews,» she says. And only after a few emails does she agree: «Good, you've obviously really got to grips with the subject - come round.»
The author has become cautious. The media, she says, often have a preconceived image of her, which she then only has to confirm in interviews. The fact that the 43-year-old regrets her motherhood can only be because she didn't think it through properly beforehand. Because of her personality, her personal situation, because her expectations were too high. Yes, perhaps even because Sarah Fischer is adopted.
What does she herself believe? To what extent is it her personality that stands in the way of her seeing motherhood as fulfilment? What percentage is due to the difficult social conditions that she describes in detail in her book? The struggle to reconcile work and motherhood, the constant interference and know-it-all attitude of others, which begins with pregnancy? «That's a very difficult question,» says Sarah Fischer, pondering and asking that it only be answered at the end.
I love my child more than anything, but I regret motherhood. This is a contradiction that overwhelms many people.
Sarah Fischer
The author lives with her husband and three-year-old daughter in a three-room flat in an old building in a former working-class neighbourhood of Munich. The rooms are sparsely furnished. Somewhere a boiler is always starting up. You can still see that for a long time, Sarah Fischer only owned so much that she could move again at any time or go travelling. She has travelled to more than 160 countries and lived in some of them.
Before her dream child was born, Sarah Fischer worked as a passionate Mongolia expert: She gave lectures and organised TV shoots in Mongolia. She also had to and was allowed to travel a lot for this. She didn't want to change much. In the beginning, she still took her baby with her to her lectures, but that no longer worked with her toddler. You can also see that something has changed in the flat: There are so many toys in the children's room that they would need a removal van if they were to move after all. "Everything as a gift, nothing bought," explains the mum.
From expert to mother - the role that covers everything
Sarah Fischer hoped that she would be able to decide for herself what would change in her life as a result of motherhood. For example, that she could choose for herself which professional assignments she would accept. However, some clients stopped contacting her. They tacitly assumed that she no longer had time as a mother.
In their eyes, Sarah Fischer has gone from expert to mother. A role that seems to overshadow everything else. That annoys her. After all, she experiences every day that things can be different: "Nobody asks my husband where the child is when he is away on business. For him, our daughter is a fulfilling bonus - but his life goes on as before." That's why her book is subtitled "Why I would rather have become a father".
