«The bond between me and my children should not be a leash»

I tell

Kinesiologist Matilda, 44, has a different bond with each of her three children, 12 and 10. That was already the case during pregnancy.

"Bonding: For me, this is the bond between me and my children. It is important to me that this bond is strong, but elastic and flexible. I want my children to know that they can come to me at any time, but I don't want them to feel tied down or on a leash.

They say that the bond is formed during pregnancy. My first son Matteo was so settled in the placenta that I could hardly feel his movements. As a first-time mum, I wasn't really aware of the prenatal bond, I was just looking forward to the baby, full stop. The moment of his birth is still very vivid in my mind today. When he was placed on my stomach, my first thought was: Oh, so now he belongs to me and I belong to him. I cried with happiness, humility and gratitude.

«My children know
that they are a part of me and that this
emotional bond is always there.»

Nevertheless, I wasn't one of those mums who immediately feel a bond with the child and say it's the most beautiful thing! I first had to get used to Matteo and he had to get used to me. Now I feel a very deep, inner connection to him, even though he ticks completely differently to me in many ways. It was different with his brothers, the twins, I had the feeling that this connecting bond between us was there more quickly. That may also have to do with the pregnancy, I naturally felt it much more strongly, there was always an elbow or a foot. But from the very beginning, they also wanted to be physically close to me, wanted to be carried around a lot and cuddled. Matteo only came up with this idea when he observed it in them. The twins are now 10 years old, Matteo is 12. I have a close and strong bond with all three children, but it's different for all three of them, which I think is great. Nevertheless, we all belong together. My children know that they are a part of me and that this emotional bond is always there."

Dieser Text stammt aus dem Doppelheft Juli/August 2020.
This text is from the double issue July/August 2020. You can order the entire issue as a single copy here.
Dieser Artikel gehört zum
This article is part of the online dossier Attachment Read more about questions such as: How do I create a strong bond without restricting my child? What does attachment have to do with school?

Read more about bonding:

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  • Remo Largo: «The amount of bonding time we have in Switzerland is a scandal!»
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