Talent: I can do that really well!

Their daughter has spent whole weekends rehearsing hip-hop choreographies from an early age and still loves to dance her way through the world. The son first played a bit of football, then trained in basketball for a while - and finally found his happiness in athletics.

Discovering talents big and small can be an adventurous journey for the whole family. How do you know that your son has a penchant for chess if no one in the family plays it? How do you encourage the daughter who spends whole afternoons drawing comics?

As a mum or dad, how can you help your child to discover their own talents? How do you avoid pushing your child too hard and perhaps even robbing them of the joy of their favourite hobby? And how do you say goodbye to the idea that your offspring could follow in your footsteps?

This dossier gets to the bottom of these questions. The focus is on all talents, whether sporting or musical, mathematical or linguistic, manual or creative. However, the topic of giftedness is deliberately excluded here.

We speak of giftedness when a person's intellectual talent is far above average; an intelligence quotient of 130 is usually given as the decisive threshold. Many children are gifted in school subjects, such as maths or a language, without being gifted.

Giftedness requires a genetic predisposition that must be nurtured in order to develop.

Science has difficulty with the term giftedness. For a long time, it was used to refer to purely academic and intellectual talent, meaning that special talents in sports or foreign languages were not included. Some experts denied that giftedness was genetically determined and instead attributed exceptional performance to daily, consistent practice.

There is now a consensus that giftedness requires a genetic predisposition, which must also be nurtured in order to develop fully.

Everyone should know their potential

The terms giftedness and talent are usually used interchangeably, while potential is usually understood as the core from which a talent can grow. Special abilities" is another term that is often used.

But no matter what you call it, experts agree on one thing: you should know your potential and have the opportunity to realise it. After all, nurtured talents, to stick with the term, make a decisive contribution to personal development.

Those who have a picture of what they are capable of gain a self-confidence that can enable them to lead a fulfilling life. But how do you recognise these mysterious talents? How do I know whether it's just a nice activity that I enjoy doing or something I'm really good at? And even more difficult: how do I discover this in my child, who is not yet able to reflect on talents and resources?

You could start with a kind of collection of strengths , says Letizia Gauck. She heads the Centre for Developmental and Personality Psychology (ZEPP) at the University of Basel. «The key question could be: In which situation do I have the feeling of being completely with myself because I really enjoy doing it?» says the psychologist.

This could be while baking a cake, writing a poem or sprinting through the city park. This creates a kind of portfolio, an individualised graphic with interests and skills that represents the uniqueness of a person.

Observing and reading the child

Family albums, for example, are often the natural beginning of a collection of strengths. «What do you take photos for, what do you document with them?» asks Gauck. «Of course, the things that bring us joy and that we are proud of.»

The first Lego car that the offspring put together themselves, the first drawings with crayons, the little film in which the daughter manages fifty jumps with the skipping rope - children want to be noticed in what they do and create, and they also demand this perception and recognition from their parents.

«One of the most important things parents can do is to observe and respond well,» says Gauck. «This makes it much easier for the child to develop a healthy self-concept.» The basis for good reactions is careful feedback. Because how we view a skill has an impact on performance.

Feedback to the child should always deal with the dynamic aspect, not the fixed aspect. Instead of «you're clever» or «you've shown your ability to think», phrases such as «you've made a real effort» are a better choice.

«If cleverness or intelligence is seen as God-given, it tends to lead to self-doubt when a child makes mistakes. They ask themselves: Am I really clever?» explains Gauck. This can lead to the child no longer making an effort and accepting challenges because they don't want to risk making mistakes again and getting unpleasant feelings.

A growth mindset (dynamic self-image), on the other hand, focuses on training individual skills like a muscle. The child has made an effort - this is a process that can lead to further results. Praising your child for having the courage to tackle a task that they might not have undertaken before encourages this process.

Far too often, our schools focus on avoiding mistakes rather than learning from them.

Letizia Gauck, personality psychologist

«This is all the more important because our schools are unfortunately not very good at error culture,» says Gauck. «Far too often, the focus here is still on avoiding mistakes rather than learning from them.»

In order for a gifted muscle to grow, it constantly needs new challenges. These should lie in the so-called zone of proximal development - in other words, they should not be so easy that they do not actually represent a challenge, but also not so difficult that failure is very likely.

This is where the observation of parents and teachers is needed again: based on the current stage of a child's development, they can best assess which next small step will help them to progress.

Parents need to create a wide range of options

In order to be able to discover and promote talent and gifts, a wide range of programmes is required. To put it bluntly: you will never discover an incredible figure skating talent if there is no ice rink.

«The range of opportunities to try things out should therefore be as wide as possible from an early age,» says Gauck, «and, very importantly, it shouldn't become too narrow too early - for example, when parents think: This is clearly going in one direction, the boy wants to play tennis.»

Development takes place in phases

This is because seemingly great interests can also wane again. Social, cognitive and motor development happens in phases, so that other areas can come to the fore from time to time.

«Parents shouldn't worry so much, everything has its time,» says Gauck. This is typically seen in adolescence, when children turn more to their peers than before and are less interested in school or other educational content.

Whether an interest has really changed permanently or whether it is simply a lack of motivation in the once much-loved hobby is something parents have to find out with a lot of intuition and the observation already mentioned.

The impression that a child who is interested should want to practise or train is misleading. Practising is not always fun, you have to pull yourself together. Psychology speaks of self-control. «As parents, we have to be careful not to overtax the children; they also need a parental framework in order to tackle activities that are not so enjoyable,» explains Gauck.

If the next generation has a lull in their motivation, you shouldn't make a drama out of it, but gently encourage them. And perhaps offer to practise less intensively for a while as an understanding compromise.

Respond correctly to the child's questions

It is clear to Joëlle Huser that the genetic component plays a role in giftedness. But the giftedness expert and author, who works as a specialist in gifted education in her Zurich-based practice, also believes that the way you approach a child who asks questions plays a decisive role.

«Do you give the child answers? Are you prepared to accompany them on the path they are curiously seeking, so that together we can be amazed again? Or do you respond to the questions with: "You're still too little for that. You don't ask that.»

A bouquet of potentials

There are subtle ways of weaning a child off curiosity without meaning to," says Huser. She therefore distinguishes between an attitude that inhibits development and one that promotes development. Those who constantly stifle their children's questions, labelling them as stupid or inappropriate and only answering in categories such as «this is right» and «this is wrong» do not pave the way for creative processes.

The children need support in the form of «but that's an interesting question» or «I think that's a great idea», and counter-questions also open up the space for previously unknown things: «What do you think that's like?»

It is basically about discovering the core of the child with love and goodwill, seeing what makes it special and accepting it as such

Joëlle Huser, talent expert

Every child, says Huser, is born with a bouquet of potential. Parents and teachers can help them to make the individual buds blossom. Which flower opens when and how cannot be decided from the outside. But you can observe them and see which flower needs what and when.

«It's basically about discovering the core of the child with love and goodwill, seeing what makes it special and accepting it as such,» says Huser. «Then it's easy for the child to develop further with natural motivation and curiosity.»

Out of the comfort zone

To do this, it may sometimes be necessary to push your son or daughter out of their comfort zone - for their own happiness. This is particularly important for children who are afraid of anything that is new or different from what they are used to.

If the parents themselves are afraid that a child won't be able to do something, they often really can't do it. But if the little ones hear «I know it's difficult, but you can do it, come and try it», it gives them courage. Talent, says Joëlle Huser, always develops a little outside the comfort zone.

Every strength makes you happy

Huser has developed various interest questionnaires for parents for all school levels. This allows them to work with their children to find out which subjects they are interested in. «In order to find children with high potential in the first place, you have to start with all the talents of all the children,» explains Huser, «and thus also uncover one or two interests that would otherwise have remained hidden.»

And it doesn't have to be gifted. Because every strength that can be lived out makes you happy. The greatest learning gains are made in the area of strengths. According to Huser, this makes weaknesses less important.

Parents should support their children in what makes them happy, not in what might bring them more money or prestige.

The consequences of children not being able to pursue their interests and talents can be seen time and again in adults. A person in their mid-forties realises that life and their environment have forced them in a certain direction that doesn't suit them. They have done what was expected of them. And suddenly this person discovers that they have an enthusiasm and a fire for something completely different.

Modern society likes to call such people «dropouts». But perhaps they are just people who weren't allowed or able to go their own way as children.

«For parents, this means letting go,» says Huser. In other words: support the children in what makes them happy, not in what the parents have planned for them and what might bring more money or prestige.

Unplanned time is also important

That sounds good, but is it really that easy to let go? What do you do when the flyer for the next holiday offer flutters into the house and makes promising suggestions? It's all too easy for parents to be tempted to sign their children up for courses that will «benefit them later».

Programming for beginners, for example, a taster day at the municipal music school or maths puzzles for more fun with numbers. This may happen subconsciously. But the child is most interested in the soapstone course.

There are children who have the urge to learn all sorts of things of their own accord. But they also have to learn that there is such a thing as too much.

«Some parents come under pressure. They are afraid of missing out on something,» says Huser. Here, too, it is important to «read» your child and not be unsettled by the neighbour's children who go to ballet, painting, judo, English and piano. Children are different, parents have different options - in terms of time and money.

There are children who have the natural urge to want to learn everything possible. But even these children have to learn that there is such a thing as too much, says Huser. And that many children particularly love unplanned time. Simply being able to play freely outside, sometimes unsupervised. They experiment in the playground or collect stones or insects in the forest. «These are valuable experiences that allow them to develop their creativity wonderfully,» says Huser.

Go diamond hunting with the children

Nadine Zimet from the Centre for Gifted Education in Zurich regularly experiences the consequences of not giving the child enough space. It is usually parents who are suffering at home and at school who come to Zimet and her colleagues. Their children suffer from frustration at school, excessive or insufficient demands, depression or anxiety, sleep disorders or shyness, aggressive behaviour or eating disorders.

«When we test, we go on a diamond hunt with the children,» says Zimet. «We look for the treasures that every child has within them and encourage them to get to know them, to believe in themselves so that they can make them shine.»

In her work, Nadine Zimet investigates how families work together. Is there respectful interaction? How are conflicts resolved? To what extent do the parents allow the child to be as it is, are they amazed and curious, even humble, without confusing this attitude with laissez-faire?

It would be nice, says Zimet, if parents could simply say: «That's my child.» «One problem in parenting is that parents feel unspoken expectations and believe they have to achieve something,» says the psychologist. That the child will become a decent person, that it can develop, that it has to know this and that in order to graduate.

The diamond search, says Nadine Zimet, can help parents to understand their child's uniqueness and support them as a travelling companion. «Every person, every child has talents, it's like the fingerprint of their overall personality.»

Instead of forcing children into the ideas of adults, you should try to get in touch with them, be present and let yourself be guided by the child's ways.

But talent cannot be created, it can only be recognised and appreciated. For example, with the help of scientific giftedness diagnostics. «We help parents and children to look at socio-emotional and intellectual factors and, above all, the strengths and personality of the child honestly and - very importantly - as a whole,» explains Zimet.

Recognising talent is therefore a psychological issue. It is crucial to adopt a different attitude. «A child can't help but learn, it does nothing else 24 hours a day, but we usually counter this with the system of teaching,» explains Zimet.

«This then leads to the symbolic emptying of the child. Talents are nipped in the bud or destroyed.» For example, a child who really enjoys playing the piano and plays pieces by ear, but is forced by the teacher to learn sheet music, quickly loses this enjoyment. It would make more sense to change the teaching method.

«Or let's take a child who thinks up the greatest stories in their head but is not yet able to write them down using their fine motor skills,» says Zimet. «What do we do with that? Do we let this talent dry up? Should the child practise writing quickly? No, we go and say: I find your stories so exciting, tell them to me and I'll write them down for you.»

Instead of forcing children to conform to the ideas of adults, you should try to get in touch with them, be present and let yourself be guided by the child's ways. Parents can do this just as well as teachers.

Unfortunately, we live in a culture in which mistakes are counted and highlighted.

Nadine Zimet, Centre for the Promotion of Giftedness

Zimet has found that not having to do more and being able to get involved leads almost immediately to relaxation between children and parents: «It's very relieving for the parents, they feel less under pressure and realise that getting involved is much more in line with their gut feeling than ticking off tasks in the daily hamster wheel.»

In order to feel their talents and pursue them, a child needs intrinsic motivation above all. In other words, enthusiasm for an activity because they enjoy doing it and can solve tasks. This is fun, and mistakes are part of it.

«Unfortunately, we live in a culture where mistakes are counted and highlighted,» says Zimet. «This creates fear and shame. Children want to try things out, not be embarrassed, reprimanded and criticised.» So, to avoid rejection, they try to avoid making mistakes and gradually stop learning. «Talent cannot flourish in a climate of fear,» says Zimet.