«Some mothers find their children annoying»
Mrs Gavin, how often do mothers abuse their children?
Studies have shown that between 4 and 16 per cent of children in our Western society are physically abused and a further 10 per cent are neglected. In around half of these cases, the violence comes from the mother. This is also due to the fact that mothers are usually at home more than fathers. They therefore spend more time with their children and therefore have more «opportunity» to use violence.
What forms of violence occur?
Women can inflict all kinds of violence on their children: severe physical violence, sexual assault, ignoring physical needs, but also emotional abuse such as devaluation, rejection or withdrawal of love. Some mothers give their children medication to sedate them. Finally, there is Munchausen's proxy syndrome, where the mother artificially triggers symptoms of illness in her child - with medication, for example - in order to get attention and affection.
Helen Gavin is a clinical and forensic psychologist and violence expert at the British University of Huddersfield and co-author of the book "Female Aggression".
Why do mothers strike?
The affected mothers often feel overwhelmed - either with the child or due to simultaneous professional demands. Many have difficulties regulating their feelings appropriately. Some also find their children annoying, exhausting or simply undesirable. Some also have psychological problems such as depression, alcohol abuse or personality disorders.
How do these mothers see their children?
Many of the mothers affected do not know what a child can and cannot do at a certain age. They therefore have unrealistically high expectations and become angry when their child is unable to fulfil them. For example, some mothers expect a toddler to behave quietly or not wet their pants. They often wrongly see a negative intention in normal, age-typical behaviour - for example: «My child is crying because it wants to annoy me.»
How does sexual violence against children occur?
Sexual violence against women is not as uncommon as you might think: In international studies, for example, 10 to 30 per cent of women report having experienced sexual coercion. According to estimates, a quarter of sexual abuse of children is committed by women.
What motives do these women have?
Similar motives to men who sexually abuse children: Some women are sexually attracted to children. Many have little empathy for their victims - or they believe that children want sexual activity with adults and that this would not harm them. In fact, the opposite is true: many victims report long-term psychological damage such as depression and relationship problems.
«Many mothers who are active parents have unrealistically high expectations and get angry when their child can't fulfil them.»
What can be done to combat maternal violence?
First of all, it is important to remove the taboo from the subject: There should be more reporting of such incidents and education about risk factors and correlations. In addition, a sufficient range of prevention and treatment measures should be created - especially for girls and young women.
Why young women?
Studies have shown that it is helpful for young mothers to practise social skills that are important for child rearing and relationships: As a result, their aggressive behaviour towards partners and children decreases significantly. As far as therapies are concerned, approaches that combine individual and family therapy and promote positive, empathetic relationships between parents and children have proven to be effective.
More on the topic of female violence:
- Attacks on partners, violence against one's own children: such acts are also committed by women - but are highly taboo. But taking a closer look helps - both the victims and the perpetrators. This is because maternal violence often has different causes than paternal violence.