So my child doesn't watch porn!

Pornography has never been as easily and quickly accessible as it is today. You don't even have to search for pornographic sites on the internet to access them. Sometimes you come across it by chance while surfing. And in the past? Parents usually grew up without the Internet. It was like this: If you found a sex booklet in a bundle of newspapers when you were collecting papers as a teenager, you furtively leafed through it. Parents should therefore not be surprised that their teenagers watch porn online. After all, a quick click is usually enough: «18 already? - Yes!» and you're in.

The EU Kids Online study from 2013 shows that 21 per cent of Swiss teenagers between the ages of 9 and 16 have already seen sexual content on the internet - whether intentionally or unintentionally. And 42% of boys and 32% of girls between 12 and 19 have already received erotic or provocative photos or videos via mobile phone(JAMES Study 2014).

Harmful or not?

But what do these impressions trigger in young people? This is where experts are divided. Some claim that young people make a clear distinction between the real and virtual sexual world, while others claim that young people learn from pornography - and internalise norms and standards. As is so often the case, the truth probably lies somewhere in between: To believe that young people would adopt what they see into their repertoire unfiltered and unreflected would be tantamount to disproportionate panic. But it would be naïve to assume that the often misogynistic acts would leave the sexual imaginations of young people untouched. Pornography is by no means limited to simply looking at the relevant sites online - it shapes the culture of our children. The youth magazine Bravo, for example, depicts totally shaved bodies, thongs are already available for 8-year-olds and rapper Sido's «Arschficksong» was a teenage anthem for a long time.

Teenagers are preoccupied with the topic of sexuality and have questions such as: Is anal sex natural? How do you shave your private parts? But neither their parents nor their schools are answering their questions. Many teenagers use pornography as a source of sex education - this is the answer Marie-Louise Nussbaum received from almost half of the teenagers she surveyed for her thesis «Pornography as a means of sex education?». This can give rise to misconceptions about real sexuality and pressure - for boys, sexual pressure to perform, for girls the pressure to have a perfect body and to always be sexually available.

Talk about it

As parents, you should therefore not simply ignore the fact that pornographic content exists. Open discussions about pornography, sexuality and gender role models are important and help your children to critically scrutinise and categorise what they see and hear. And remember: when you talk to your child, please don't point a finger, but preferably from man to man - or from woman to woman. Talk about feelings and about the fact that sexual relationships between people are not characterised by mere technology and hard practices, but primarily by feelings such as affection, respect and desire.

And if your children would rather not discuss the subject with you, point them to useful websites on the Internet. On feel-ok.ch, tschau.ch, lilli.ch, 147.ch and frageinfach.ch. Here young people can find information and answers to their questions and concerns.

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