«Send me a photo. Gladly in a bikini!»
If a paedophile made advances towards children in the past, there was a considerable risk of being observed. For example, by passers-by on the street. Today, the internet offers offenders ideal conditions. It allows them to make themselves invisible in public in their search for victims. «Cybergrooming» is the technical term used to describe the approach of paedophiles who approach children online with sexual intentions.
They effortlessly post fake profiles online with false photos, names and hobbies. They usually pretend to be the same age or only slightly older. Their favourite playgrounds are the digital playgrounds of children: Tiktok, Instagram and games with a chat function. The methods of initiation are subtle: over weeks, they build up a solid relationship with boys and girls, presenting themselves as empathetic friends, comforters and counsellors. Once the adolescents have gained trust, they give out their mobile phone number without hesitation to write to each other via WhatsApp. The fact that the new «friend» cannot make phone calls for a variety of reasons is not questioned.
Girls who show themselves in sexy poses on social networks never feel that they are sending out certain signals.
According to the National Platform Youth and Media of the Federal Social Insurance Office, 13 per cent of 12 to 13-year-olds, 23 per cent of 14 to 15-year-olds and 33 per cent of 16 to 17-year-olds in Switzerland have already been approached online by someone with sexual intentions.
Talking about cybergrooming - a guide for parents
When should parents start talking to their children about this topic?
There is no clear age recommendation. At the latest as soon as children have their own smartphone, tablet or PC. Anyone who is old enough to go online is also old enough to be confronted with the truth.
How specifically should the problem be named?
Talking around it is not helpful. I would advise the following wording: "There are adults on the internet who want to talk to children about sex or have sex with them. That's not okay."
Parents should have a conversation with their children about their online behaviour every six months anyway, because the offers change quickly and so do the children. Cybergrooming should be one of many topics relating to protection. The most important sentence: «Call me if something seems strange.»
Yes, if it is part of the joint agreement that we will look at it together. This is difficult from the age of 10 or 12 because children may be embarrassed by private messages or photos. That's why it's important that the child has a good relationship of trust with their parents and speaks to them in an emergency.
Suggestions or formulated requests are very clear. In such a case, parents should secure evidence, i.e. take screenshots and take them to the police. However, the child must first be exonerated by assuring them that they are not to blame for what happened.
Everything must remain secret
When perpetrators make children promise not to talk to anyone about their «friendship», this does not trigger mistrust in the children and young people, but passes as a sign of trust. The perpetrators constantly praise their victims and attest to their great mental or physical maturity. «How old are you? 12? You look like you're 20!» Such recognition from a stranger friend carries much more weight than the usual affirmation from parents. Gradually, the perpetrators encourage girls, for example, to show themselves even more revealingly and lasciviously, not on Instagram, but directly - via WhatsApp. Often in a bikini or with even less on. Parents have no idea about any of this. Nor that the fake friend is using skilful manipulation to turn the friendship into a romantic relationship. Also top secret. And those who love each other must of course see each other in «real life». This is perhaps the most frightening aspect: children and young people who meet the «friend» know roughly what will happen, even if they can't really imagine all the details. If the true love is much older when they meet in real life, the perpetrator insists: «But you know me! We do love each other!» The victim is often far too paralysed to leave.
The perpetrators collect ammunition
Teenagers are usually easy prey. Like everyone else in their peer group, they see the internet and its social networks as a colourful playground where they can try themselves out, experiment with looks and see how they are received by others. Girls in particular often show themselves in sexy poses on these networks because that's what their friends or role models do. However, they themselves don't even have the slightest feeling that they are sending out certain signals in this way. Through make-up, poses and filters, they strip off their childishness for this time like a snakeskin in order to play along in the adult world. Usually without consequences. But what if a stranger saw something very special in them? Someone who encourages them, gives them strength and perhaps even loves them? This is exactly what paedophiles take advantage of. They not only (supposedly) build up children and adolescents, but also collect ammunition all the while: the young victims are blackmailed with the secrets, chat histories or candid pictures entrusted to them if they do not agree to the perpetrator's wishes. The inner conflicts that these children and young people then have to go through are almost impossible for them to cope with. Am I to blame? Have I done something wrong? Will my photos and secrets really be exposed to the whole world?
