Recognising transitions and providing good support

Transitions are part of being human. One of the biggest is birth: we emerge from the connected, warm and caring world into the initially cold, bright and noisy world. From then on, our entire life is characterised by change. At best, they represent something like the motor of our development, and it is usually positive when something new happens. There is movement, change, anticipation.

Monika Brunsting from the Institute for Learning in North-East Switzerland explains what happens in the brain: «Dopamine is an important neurotransmitter and has to do with enjoying new things. When we try something new, new synapses and circuits are created in the brain.» Development is not possible without transitions.

However, changes are also known to harbour potential for conflict, and this is true at any age. For a small child, even the smallest everyday transitions, so-called micro-transitions - such as a change of activity, room or carer - can seem quite big. If the child refuses to get dressed, but you urgently need to get out of the house, patience and sensitivity are required.

What children have to achieve today is enormous and the changes are sometimes extreme.

Claudia Roebers, developmental psychologist

Children still need to develop the ability to understand other people's wishes and ideas, i.e. their theory of mind. «Young children in particular don't yet have an overview of the daily routine, a sense of time or the urgency of appointments,» says Annika Hering, an expert in early childhood development and family counsellor from Bielefeld (Germany). «They live in the moment, in the flow, from which they are often removed in everyday life.»

However, parents are also familiar with conflicts during everyday transitions from their teenager who can't let go of gaming because the newly achieved level is much more exciting than the upcoming homework. If they switch to an activity that is perceived as less enjoyable, the transition is naturally also difficult in reverse. «Stopping gaming is so challenging because a lot of new - and therefore exciting - things happen in a short space of time,» says Monika Brunsting.

Children are under a lot of pressure

Major transitions usually take place in the school context. By the time they enter kindergarten and two years later primary school at the latest, children's everyday lives are increasingly determined by others; they experience frequent changes of teacher, class, after-school care centre and school, as well as the transition to secondary school. The summer holidays alone before the new start are on the one hand a relaxing buffer zone, but at the same time a phase full of uncertainty about what is to come.

A transition to school is a complex process. It is not only the location and environment that change, but often also the reference person, friends and status - for example, if the child is one of the tallest in kindergarten and suddenly one of the smallest in first grade. With each vertical transition to the next school level, new social skills must also be learnt.

What's more, children are starting kindergarten at an ever younger age and some of them are not even ready yet. It is therefore hardly surprising that the fast pace of our society can make such transitions more stressful for children and young people.

They are under enormous pressure. «If we as adults imagine that we have a new job at NASA next week and everyone knows about it - but we don't know anything about rockets - we would certainly be nervous too,» says Claudia Roebers, Professor of Developmental Psychology at the University of Bern, illustrating the social demands. «That's exactly how our children feel. They hardly know what to expect.»

There is also often enormous pressure from the environment to fulfil expectations. It is also important to appreciate that 90 per cent of children cope well with school transitions despite the high demands, and the vast majority of young people stay in their apprenticeship.

Recognising individual needs

The fact that some children find it more difficult is not down to them, but usually due to inadequate preparation and support in their environment, unrealistic expectations and rigid systems. «What children have to achieve today is enormous and the changes are sometimes extreme.» Children who find these changes more difficult deserve to have their individual needs recognised first and foremost. «We have to accept the child's individuality, talk to them and assess their needs,» says the psychologist.

The decisive factor in whether a transition is easy or difficult for a child is their need for security.

Bea Latal, developmental paediatrician

Because what may seem easy from an adult's perspective often feels very different for children. They still have no idea what it means when they start first grade after the big holidays. «They don't yet understand that they will have to give up their routine and no longer see their peers. This ability to mentally travel into the future and the past - mental time travelling - is something that children master much less well than adults.»

This is precisely why questions such as «Are you looking forward to school?» should not be asked in the first place. «Children still have no idea what it will be like on the moon,» says Claudia Roebers.

Understanding basic needs, supporting them with rituals

Bea Latal, Professor and Co-Head of the Department of Developmental Paediatrics at Zurich Children's Hospital, explains why children cope with major changes in different ways. «The decisive factor in whether a transition is easy or difficult for a child is their need for security.»

In addition to the need for social recognition and achievement, security is another important basic need, wrote the well-known paediatrician and author Remo Largo in his books. This varies depending on the personality type. «People with a very strong need for security tend to struggle with transitions,» says Bea Latal. It is important to lower your own expectations as a parent. «If I have the expectation that the child will go to first grade and master it easily, and I'm surprised that they are more exhausted or aggressive when they come home, then I have exaggerated or unrealistic expectations,» says the paediatrician.

In general, Bea Latal advises rituals for school transitions to help the child prepare for a new situation. After all, teachers also rely on rituals in transition situations, such as taster days, to create trust and provide orientation.

For example, a visit to the new school building, a walk together with a friend or a magic stone in the bag can already make a big difference. Such transitional objects help to give the child a sense of security. «You can work with the child and help them to prepare and address their fears. Children usually know well what they need,» says Bea Latal.

When the pressure of suffering becomes too great

If parents don't know what to do on their own and the stress becomes so great that the situation becomes a burden for the child and the family, they should definitely seek advice. «If every change in a child, even an excursion, a school trip or a class camp, leads to massive stress or if the child refuses to go to school, you should definitely get help,» advises the paediatrician.

The waiting lists for the school psychology service are long: there is one specialist for every 500 children.

The psychologists from the school psychology service are particularly well versed in dealing with school anxiety. However, the waiting lists are long: there is currently one specialist for every 500 children in Switzerland. A good place to go is the paediatrician's practice due to the existing relationship of trust.

«The paediatrician knows the family circumstances and doctors often work together with psychologists,» says Bea Latal. Together, they can decide what the right course of action is, and it is much more targeted with professional help. «This gives parents self-assurance and the confidence that it can work.» This could be psychological coaching, for example, or a social worker working with the child to consider what would help them.

A developmental disorder is only suspected if the intensity of the reactions occurs even with small changes. In other words, when the child has no tolerance for changes, for deviations from routine. «If family life has to be completely focussed on the child's needs and reactions and the whole family suffers as well as the child, then you also have to look for developmental disorders,» says Bea Latal. This could be an autism spectrum disorder, ADHD or a severe mental disorder such as an anxiety disorder, for example.

We should normalise difficulties

As children today are confronted with sometimes high expectations everywhere, Claudia Roebers believes that a change of perspective is needed first and foremost: "We have to look at what children are doing and put ourselves in their shoes. When they start school or transfer, the entire environment, all processes and carers change.

We need to realise what high standards these are," she says. Instead, the child is made the problem far too quickly. «We live in a performance and repair society that demands too much from children. And if they don't work out, this society wants to fix them.»

The desire for a smooth transition is understandable, but not very realistic.

It is important to understand: It is not the child that is the problem, but the rigid system. We also need to adapt the training of teachers so that they take the individuality of children into account in their work. Fortunately, a lot is happening in this respect, says Roebers.

It is often small things that can be changed through the right communication with the child, even preventatively. For example, a second or even third taster day can already mean more safety. You can also strengthen the child's social bonds in advance. In general, parents and teachers should pull together. «We also need more flexibility on the part of schools,» says the developmental psychologist. Of course, this is a challenge for the school system, «but as a society we should still encourage people to think about it and hope that something will change».

Transitions are developmental tasks. The desire of many parents and teachers for a smooth transition is understandable, but not very realistic. A transition always marks the end of something and at the same time the beginning of something new - a kind of limbo that needs to be grounded. «It's important to normalise this and to expect that it won't be easy,» advises Bea Latal.